User Profile Friends Calendar

Below are the 25 most recent journal entries.

	2009.07.08  13.14 mistakes we made; did we live it right So my class goes from 8.30-12.10 and my prof thinks it goes from 8.30-10.20. This is a Good Thing. What is a Bad Thing is that I pass Borders on the way home and it's such an easy jump-off and they have such delicious Raspberr Iced Mochas. :/ On the other hand I finally picked up Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. I spotted them on a display right before I was set to check out, because had I not I would have purchased a book called Pirates! in an Adventure with Communists. Also, way for my Borders Rewards card beering me all these coupons. Whoo whoo. Also finished L.A. Confidential which was SO GOOD and argh when will White Jazz get here. :/ Also LCPL big fail with their not having any books about 1940-50 mob scene. While I wait I'm toying with the idea of re-read The Black Dahlia, because I read (fuck this italicizing) Big Nowhere and LA Confidential in rapid succession, but it's been about a year since I read BD and the only recurring character I remember from it is Ellis Loew. I flipped through it a little and saw some of the incompetent minor cops like Duane Fisk making an appearance. It's cute to see them progress through the ranks and... not get killed... and stuff. The mortality rate for Ellroy novels is v. high. Had weird trouble sleeping last night. I think I have to completely exhaust myself now to fall asleep. :/ Tried reading, playing Elite Beat Agents, and finally writing some porn... which meant I dreamed about gay hockey players. But in a weird way. Also some dude was making fun of this other dude for being drafted by the Avs because he had grown up in a Red Wings-obsessed household. The whole thing would've been pretty funny except there was just this weird creepy undertone to it all; everyone was super calm and unemotional and muted. Tres weird. And the main reason why I'm going to run and watch Confessions of a Shopaholic, so that I get so fucking tired I collapse and dream about, I dunno, gangsters playing hockey?

	2009.07.04  18.26 hello darkness my old friend Happy 4th of July! Unfortunately this holiday is not as exciting as Canada Day. All the same, I enjoy a good dose of patriotism. I love my country and couldn't imagine being from any other. I wonder how important it is to who I am? That is, if I were British or German or Russian or Japanese, would I still be fundamentally me? That's a weird tangent. But not as weird as this one, which I thought of while playing tennis today, and lost a point because I was laughing so hard. If I were to pick up Phil "One-Ball" Kessel (suggested line: "We have the same birthday. Wanna fuck?"), what's the protocol re: testicles? Is he supposed to assume that I've heard? (If I went with that line then clearly I'm a big enough fan to have heard the news.) Or should he warn me first? What if I wanted to blow him? How do you bring that up in conversation? I'm unzipping his pants, and he blurts out "Uh, I only have one ball. It's- there's nothing wrong down there. I mean, besides the obvious. It's normal. Uh. I'm okay." Is that what happens? Do you think he deals with this in real life? I hafta say, if I thought there was something unsually wrong with my body (aside from the fact that I'm grotesque), I would worry about it and obsess about it and panic: do I bring it up? Should I wait for them to say something? Will it freak them out? Should I just put a kibosh on all the proceedings? I guess it has to do with how self-conscious you are. So, um. Deep thoughts. Uh. Phil Kessel is an American. So that's pretty cool. Hey! Today is Mike Knuble's birthday! Happy birthday baby, I hope you enjoy your tenure here in our beloved nation's capital! How convenient!

	2009.07.02  15.49 knubs to the right wing, brashear to nyr I think there's some irony that on the first day of free agency, I spent some quality time balancing my checkbook, and on the second day, I've moved on to accounting homework. Honestly, looks like I can balance figures better than the Bruins. Man this is fun. I'm such a fucking nerd. I thought sports were supposed to make you cool?

	2009.07.01  15.26 you're still within my heart Happy Canada Day, guys. And you know what that means: FREE AGENT FRENZY. Basically today has been great. I'm drinking the Kool-Aid, baby: just bought a buncha crap from Hollister. Yay employee discount, saved me about 20 bucks. Also picked up a new DDR pad, which adds the spice my workouts have been lacking. Man I missed it. I'm not in as good shape as I was back in my peak playing days, but I have gotten better at rhythm games/rhythm in general, so I'm basically about the same. Free Agent Frenzy started at noon, I was home by 12:15. After every song I would check the feed to see what trades went down. Since I'm a Knub (haha pun we just picked up Mike Knuble, though you pronounce the K) I'm following the live-chat on Puck Daddy, where the wonderful Greg Wyshynski is hosting people who know what the fuck they're talking about and hopefully giving me relatively accurate information. And by that I mean they get TSN or possibly the NHL Network and are watching... whatever those networks are airing that's giving exclusive details. Plus DGB was invited, and he's shot up my list of People Who Are Basically the Coolest Ever (just like Sergei Fedorov shot up my list of People Who Are Basically the Hottest Ever, have a good time in the KHL baby). So right now I'm chilling outside on the porch in a lounge chair (someone get me a pina colada), keeping up with the signings which I find ludicrously and irrationally fascinating, hoping GMGM doesn't do something crazy (giving up Brashear to NYR is toeing that line, babycakes), and enjoying the fact that right now my life is pretty fucking good. C'mon guys, let's get that second-line center!

	2009.06.28  16.22 their information dispersal system is sub-par Oh God I still smell like Hollister. Not just my clothes (my shirt reeks terribly) but even my skin smells like SoCal room spray. So remember when I said like two days ago that Semin- HOLY SHIT. WHAT THE FUCK. Billy Mays just died. I- I'm crying. I didn't cry over McMahon or Farah or MJ but I'm fucking crying over Billy Mays. I'll wait to yap about possibly trading Semin whenever his contract is up (where can I get that info anyway?). RIP Billy Mays. I watched Sunday morning infomercials specifically to see Oxi-Clean and Orange Glo. I got excited every time the Ding King commercial came on, I thought it was totally sweet. Those ESPN ads, where you show how sports get transmitted through a cable into your computer? Fucking awesome. You're the coolest adman ever, and you will be missed.

	2009.06.26  22.29 anyone got a copy of I'm Yours by Jason Mraz? Holy shit guys I am a nervous wreck about the NHL draft. My hockey-philistine thoughts read pick with # and between round trades with -. ( the announcers are drunk; brian burke is pissed; the montreal crowd is vocal ) Shit, I wonder if I'll ever do that again. Things to look forward to: is Sidney Crosby the Raiden of the NHL?; discussing/speculating the Capitals free agents; Canada Day!

	2009.06.22  19.40 Hey what's up Guess what. I've got actual news rather than hockey blather. And pictures! Everyone loves pictures, right? ( Not there isn't hockey involved... ) I start working at Hollister tomorrow. I'm kind of nervous... but not terribly. I have so low expectations that something truly disastrous has to happen for this to go down at a failure. Also, how the hell did I get a job at Hollister but not Gamestop? I mean, I learned I'm secretly white trash/Canadian -- can they see beyond the surface and discern that I'm secretly... popular? Woohoo to Ovie for getting the Hart and the Rocket Richard and the Pearson again. Next year you'll get the hardware that really matters, baby. Sergei Fedorov gets hotter every time I see him. Goddamn.

	2009.06.16  14.15 uh-uh, i've got a great idea... Haha shit, nobody saw that last entry, did they? I had tried to start an entry like ten times, and I was considering the idea of posting the opening line from each attempt, but it ended up sounding like an awful attempt at poetry and meaningfulness. Questions, though. My mouse icon is flickering weirdly. When I'm not typing or moving it, it disappears, and it flickers when I try to move it. It isn't affecting performance but it's annoying as shit. Anyone know what the hell's up? Also, NHL Awards are this Thurs. Predictions for the ones I care about - for example, I don't give a shit about the Calder. Hart: Obvs I want Ovie to win, but I'm feeling Malkin. He just picked up the Conn Smythe, not that playoff performance has any affect (thank God) but I think we all saw it coming once it was clear Pitt was going to the finals. I'm also gonna say Malkin for the Pearson, though it's him, Ovie, and Dats up for it as well. I love a Russian spread. Lady Byng: I think Pavel Datsyuk will win the Pavel Datsyuk Award. Vezina: I think everyone wants Tim Thomas to win it, and what do I care? Would be cute if Steve Mason won both this and Calder though. Norris: I am super-excited about this one. Now, Nik Lidstrom is a fucking great D-man who absolutely deserves it, and Chara is also excellent. But Mike Green broke a record set by Bobby Orr. Bobby fucking Orr! Give him the goddamn trophy so we can forget how he shat the bed during the playoffs. Masterton: Well, who had the worst shit happen to him lately? I'm going with Zednik getting his carotid sliced. Basically if you get some kind of lymphoma you're a lock for this one. Jack Adams: I would vomit if Bylsma were up for this (that's a pun, because the first syllable of his name is "bile"). That's all I've got. Selke: Throw Dats another bone and give him the defensive forward award. Doesn't that seem counterproductive? This is the anti-Mike-Green trophy, by the way. Yo, anyone want to go to Ballston Mall to watch the Awards with Wyshynski from Puck Daddy? Or even better, Vegas road trip! (Nobody ever say those words to Ian, ever.)

	2009.06.12  22.59 Today I had my wisdom teeth removed and watched the Penguins win the Stanley Cup. Guess which hurt more.

	2009.06.09  22.44 i hate gary bettman And I'm blaming it on him, although they tried to make up for it in the third period. But there were at least three uncalled penalties in the second. And I'm still pissed about six men on the ice for like 20 seconds and apparently no one fucking noticed it. Really? And Bettman wonders why people don't take the NHL seriously? My Week+ in short: -Oh Bears, why do you taunt us? Couldn't you have wrapped this shit up in Hershey? I'm amazed you got away with a game in Manitoba since home ice advantage is even more important in the AHL (how many Moose fans do you think live in Pennsylvania?) -Did you know leaving a book on your dashboard during the hottest part of the day melts the binding and makes all the pages fall out? I didn't! -I ended up buying House of Leaves. If I finish The Alchemy of Stone before my books get here from the library, I'm starting it. Of course, AoS is kinda tough to read now that all the pages have fallen out... -I interviewed at Hollister. They have a comically strict appearance policy. For example, you can only wear flip-flops, and only in certain colours. You cannot wear fingernail polish, and your toenails can only be red or a variation thereof (like pink or dark red). You cannot have any black jewellery (like a black watch face, or black gems on stud-earrings). On the other hand you can have a visible tattoo as long as it's not offensive or on your face/neck. -Since there's no fucking way I'm getting a job there, I have to bug Gamestop again. -I'm sick again. Technically I never stopped being sick, but I did get to the point where I could function on just 4 advil a day, and now I'm back to shivering under blankets and feeling nauseous (actually the nausea is a new symptom, and I think it's brought on by, uh, P. Pittsburghius). -This is hilarious partly because of how obvious it is that the author is a huge fucking hockey nerd. I've been seeing that a lot lately -- or more probably, noticing it a lot lately. Like in the credits of 30 Rock, when Dennis wanders into the office with the Cup, in the cast of credits it lists "Lord Stanley Cup as itself". Even though they use hockey as a tool to show that Dennis is, well, a tool, it's clear that there's someone behind the scenes that gets it. No other trophy is treated the same way as Stanley. -By the way, re: using hockey as a way of showing how pathetic someone is: I've got something like 19,000 words saved up about this. I'm still deciding whether to inflict it on people or just let it fester until I do something drastic, like set cars on fire (like a Habs fan!). -This is just great because of how creepily accurate it is. (P.S. Don't tell anyone, but I like Chris Osgood!) -I get my wisdom teeth removed on Friday. It's also Game 7. That means if I throw up, my mouth is going to hurt a whole fucking lot. Go Red Wings!

	2009.05.31  17.27 i'm not sure i'm smart enough for danielewski But that's not going to stop me from buying House of Leaves tomorrow. A new Dave Barry book might though. I checked out Only Revolutions from the library and I'm not sure I can handle it. I feel I might have a better grip on House of Leaves because it's horror and therefore a) something I understand and enjoy and b) works better for being batshit insane and incomprehensible. C'mon, who the hell knew what Caligari was about? And it's scary! Accounting, ugh. Job search, ugh. So that's all I'll say about that. Yay Red Wings for beating the Penguins. I don't actually care about the Wings, but they're the right colour, and let's be honest: I'd be supporting the Avery-J. Ruutu-Osgood team if they were all about taking down the Penguins. The Obama team- well, no, I like Sidney Crosby significantly more than I like Obama. *Political humour!* Marc-Andre Fleury's ass scores another goal for the Wings in the finals, just like it did last year. I wonder what it would do to their salary cap? Actually Flower isn't a bad guy. His ass scores a lot of goals, his nickname is Flower for God's sake, and he's willing to humour fans with silly signs. Plus he's just a cute French-Canadian, unlike Crosby who's just plain ol' Canadian, which you'd think would be better but in his case is actually worse. But more importantly, the Hershey Bears won their first game against the Manitoba Moose. Andre Giroux scored a hat trick, with the third goal coming in overtime (and therefore being the game-winner). Oskar Osala also netted two -- I think I like him because of how many vowels he has in his name. Anyway, this bodes wonderfully and Dan got the tix for game 3 on Saturday so WOOOOOOOOO time to see the Bears drop chocolate all over the Moose on home ice. I'm tres excited. Oh, Jon's birthday is today. He's 20. This means that next year he turns 21. That means that I won't spend a second of my junior year sober. Hell yeah. Maybe that will make the Caps more palatable. On the other hand, if we do win Lord Stanley, I will be setting cars on fire. I'm not joking. Edit: Toronto is only 9 hrs 15 mins away from my house! Ian, road trip?! But why is Smith 8 hrs 4 mins away despite being 20 miles farther? Did they factor in time for Trouble At Customs? ...And to get specific directions I picked a place in Toronto, that is the Air Canada Centre aka home of the Toronto Maple Leafs. But hey I'm sure it's in the middle of the city. Edit: I am in the process of spending way too much time seeing exactly how far I am from hockey arenas. I'm almost 500 miles from the Joe and yet it still says only 8 hrs 22 mins. Although to get there I have to go down Steve Yzerman Dr. heeheehee. I'm 11 hrs away from Chicago and 40 away from Anaheim (it says "take I-80 (Passing through ARKANSAS, OKLAHOMA, TEXAS, NEW MEXICO, and ARIZONA, then crossing into CALIFORNIA)" hahaha). Man it's a good thing I know the names of all the arenas in the NHL huh? *embarrassed* Oh wow 3 hrs 16 mins to Philly? Flyers games here I come.

	2009.05.26  21.58 he's the only penguin i actually like Number 27, Craig Fuckin' Adams, seals the fate of another team. Bye bye Hurricanes, Ric Flair will be mighty sad. As I am. I didn't actually watch this game because it now makes me physically ill to watch the Penguins. This may prove a problem when the Stanley Cup finals roll around. Well obvs it's not going to stop me, it just means I'm going to drink heavily. You know I have to make plans every evening to prevent me from rummaging through the liquor cabinet and doing shots during the middle of the day? I just think, "No gs9, you have to drive somewhere tonight!" Now I have to root for the Red Wings because a) I doubt the Hawks can take the Pens and b) when the Wings inevitably win this series I need them to beat the Pens. You know I pray every night for the Pens to lose? I ask for good grades, and to lose weight, and for the Penguins to lose. I sure hope God takes time out of his busy schedule to listen to these trivialities. Plus I figure there's enough Pitt fans asking for the win so that it all cancels out. After class tomorrow I'm applying for jobs at Dulles Town Center. There's actually a job opening at the Redskins store. Words cannot describe how much I want it purely because Jon would be so disappointed. Also I want to see if they fire me for showing up to work in a Ravens jersey. How sweet would that be? In hockey news that doesn't make me want to hurl, the Hershey Bears beat the Providence Bruins 4-1, sending them to the Calder Cup finals. First they head to Manitoba to play the Moose at home, then on June 6 they play game 3 at the Giant Center in Hershey. I have tickets already -- they're 23 bucks. Now I'm trying to figure out if I can go to game 4, which is on the 7th. Go Bears go, because I don't know how much more I can take.

	2009.05.22  23.31 pavel is now up there with evgeni in prettiest russian names ...but Zhenya is a much better diminutive than Pasha. If anyone's interested, here's an interview with Ovie after he got back to Moscow, translated by the wonderful Dmitry Chesnokov, and it absolutely breaks my fucking heart. It makes me want to weep over the playoffs (something which, surprisingly, I have not done). I like the idea that all the Russians (sans Ovechkin) are chilling in Miami, though. Blackhawks won tonight, essentially holding serve; score is now 2-1 Detroit. I'm predicting a Detroit win, but I want a 'Hawks win. They're the most attractive team in the Western Conference. Kaner seems kinda sluggish though. Toews was looking good, better than Kane, but not as good as in last game (when he had two goals). Both were kept off the scoreboard tonight though. Khabibulin was pulled for (hip, hip) Huet, and the 'Hawks won less than two minutes into overtime. Not as impressive as the 12 second vic against the Flames though, sorry guys. Canes and Pens play tomorrow, Pens up 2-0 but they take it to Raleigh. It's difficult to imagine home fans being a big deal in Carolina, but these Canes already have a Stanley Cup ring to stuff in at least one ear from '06 so maybe they do make a difference. Go Canes, I hate the Pens more than I thought I would. And finally, the Bears are beating the baby Bears 2-1, splitting sets in Hershey and now breaking with 1 in Providence. Isn't great how applicable tennis metaphors are in hockey? Anyway, if the Peebs force a game 6 and kick it back to Hershey, I'm going, Dan's going, and SO ARE YOU. LET'S GET PUMPED FOR MINOR LEAGUE HOCKEY. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (Actually that noise will certainly be present at the RBC Center in Raleigh thanks to the Canes' number one fan, the Nature Boy, Ric Flair!) In non-hockey news, I've applied at Gamestop, Puma, and Ann Taylor (the latter two at the outlet mall). I still need to apply online for Old Navy and Adidas, although six years of German means I pronounce that correctly, and by correctly I mean AH-di-das, not A-DI-das which I'm sure would not go over well. Obvs Gamestop is my first choice but they're not actually actively hiring, but since I have basically the most flexible hours ever I've still got a shot. Puma would be nice because I actually enjoy wearing their things; I believe my Puma sweatpants went far too long without washing during exam season. But hey, a job's a job. I've also started accounting classes. I find the subject oddly soothing and I'm kind of enjoying myself, which fills me with the quiet dread that I was actually meant to be an accountant, a fear I've had since middle school. But because it's so easy and I finish quickly, I have plenty of time to write, and I'm considering an infodump entry. Just so when I talk about Val and Tay and Basti you don't think I have a secret family. Man, I'm so not looking forward to Red Wing-Penguin finals. :/

	2009.05.17  02.30 i'd be glad to give the epithet to him Entry number two* in my "Hockey League Populated By Men Who Deserve All The Infuriating Nicknames I've Had More Than I Do": I hereby nominate Tomas Fleischmann as Little Orphan Annie. Seriously, that man's mop of red curls gives mine a run for its money. Apparently it was just his birthday, so some kind words: he's got the most beautiful smile I've ever seen, and he is always laughing and smiling and he's completely adorable (he's one of the few hockey players who even smiles while they're on the ice). You can see more here on quinkeeper's picspam, and he appears in many entries on the greatest fuckin' thing ever, Caps In Pictures. In non-kawaii related news he also scored some key playoff goals (like in game 6 and the GWG in game 1) and kept battling in game 7, tallying an assist. He's a solid player, and it don't get no better than solid. Tune in next time as I try to find recipients of "Pippi" and "Freckle-face." (I guess hockey players don't get much sun, eh?) *Number one is obviously Patrick Kane with "Shirley Temple."

	2009.04.30  23.22 i read far from the madding crowd for funsies So I kind of put a moratorium on posts during playoffs, unless I go to a game and have significant impressions that I want to record for posterity, and it's working out pretty well for me. Sort of. They don't call us the Cardiac Caps for nothing, though I can't help but feel I'd be under a lot less academic stress if I were a Bruins fan (who swept and therefore haven't had to take a vested interest in hockey for at least a week). Anyway, there's a few days before the Caps play again, so I will take the opportunity to make a real, non-hockey related update. There is only one hockey pun in this post after this paragraph. I have a huge fucking hard-on for Thomas Hardy. I cannot get Phaneuf of him. He is fucking fantastic and reading him is like being thrilled and embraced and comforted and entertained. He writes beautifully about a time and place I find endlessly fascinating. His characters are interesting and engaging and I even like the ones I dislike - or perhaps would dislike is the more accurate turn of phrase. And in the background are the salty locals, characters with names bordering on the ridiculous (Henery, because that's how it's pronounced, or Solomon Longways, or Abel Whittle), who are always hysterically funny, which is amazing when you consider how Hardy hates happy endings. Even if you think the ending is happy - and it's not necessarily dead tragic, for you think "Oh, well the two characters that belong together are together in the end!" - it's not straight-up happy. It is, at the very least, bittersweet, or there is no promise of further and continued happiness. He has a realistic outlook on life, and the last paragraph of The Mayor of Casterbridge sums up my worldview just as much as it does Elizabeth-Jane's, and in fact she is much more a heroine every girl should strive to emulate rather than Elizabeth Bennet. That's a wee bit of an exaggeration. She is a trifle too passive by today's standards, but rather be her than the overly headstrong Bathsheba Everdene. But I wonder if I would rather have the strong, silent, faithful farmer Gabriel Oak than the passionate Fitzwilliam Darcy (for he is passionate, much as he would deny it). This comparison, by the way, is born out of having to read both MoC and Persuasion for Brit Lit II, and enjoying Hardy millions of times more than Austen. Not that I still don't adore Austen, but fuck man. Hardy. Damn. Funnily enough my mother has been recommending Hardy to me since the beginning of time. It's unsettling how, as I grow older and learn more, I realise that my mother is always right. Okay, I lied. Red Wings in 7; Canucks in 5; Bruins in 5; Capitals in 6.

	2009.04.28  21.31 bears are playing the baby pens SEE YOU IN THE NEXT ROUND, BABY.

	2009.04.20  16.04 my time at the caps game Text messages I received over the weekend. Apr. 18, Caps vs. Rangers Pre-game Mom: I hope they beat the penguins. Mom: I hope the caps score many field goals. Mom: eat a giant pretzel for me Dad: if you metro into the caps game be sure to mind the gap 1:00, game start. Mom: Did they drop the puck? Mom: I sure hope Ovech doesnt get thrown in the misbehaving chamber. Jon: the nbc play-by-play guy on kozlov's 2nd penalty: "that long stick of his is gettin him in trouble..." Mom: are the Flyers kicking the Caps ass? Dad: Free beer and wine on the train! Mom: Did the zombrani break down? Mom (@2:30): Seriously, who won? After my not answering my cell phone for a weekend: Mom: Is there anybody out there? just nod if you can hear me? is there anyone at home? Dad: You're not answering your mom again. Is your phone broken or your brain?

	2009.04.17  09.38 drop the puck it's time go---- I HAVE PLAY-OFF TICKETS MOTHERFUCKERS. ROCK THE RED BABY. Shit, now I gotta find the charger for this camera so I can take pictures. Oh baby. So yeah I guess now is as good a time as any to keep rambling about hockey. The first round of playoffs are ovah and well I guess I'm not terribly surprised. ( I watched lewd amounts of Western conference, it's sickening ) Haha so I guess this entry will be time-stamped as 9.38 am, and I have class from 9-11. Yeah, I just bought the tickets in the middle of class. Fuck ecology, but more importantly FUCK THE RANJUHS!

	2009.04.15  01.18 i have a macrothuganomics exam today My affections for Sidney Crosby see-saw wildly. I detest and adore him, often at the same time, and I think it really does come down to: I loathe Sidney Crosby the player, and I love Sidney Crosby the person.* So remind me of that the next time I complain that he's boring or whiny or gay (well, they're all a little gay). We can't all be Ovechkin, but man, the more I watch of this kid, the more I realise he enjoys himself just as much as Ovie does. And while we're comparing 8 and 87, neither of them can sing worth a damn -- though Alex the Great gets a little more mockery for it. Also, I rather oddly discovered that Backstrom seems to rarely smile on the ice, and that he looks gorgeous when he does. Similarly I realised that while Crosby has a dumb-sounding laugh, he is oh-so-cute when he's laughing. I guess I should probably just go ahead and say I'm in love with the whole NHL. :/ *It might not even be that. It might be I loathe Crosby when he's playing against a team I like better than the Penguins - admittedly, there are many - but I think I love him when he's playing, too.** **This doesn't mean I will stop taunting people on NHL 3-on-3 Arcade on XBOXLive for being Pittsburgh Penguin-loving motherfuckers, or saying "heeeeeeey Seednee" every time I check a Crosby.

	2009.04.14  19.40 if i could find a deck of cards i'd do a tarot reading All right, I'll make some real picks. B's and Habs: Oh noooo only one game will be televised on a channel that I can watch T_T But Caps and Rangers: CAPS YEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH. I think we could actually take them quick, especially if we remember how to play hockey. I'm gonna say 5. Irritatingly I can watch this on a local channel, and I won't have to because it will be constantly on NBC or Versus, and I would rather watch it on Comcast because then I get Locker and Joe B, the greatest play-by-play+colour combination ever. ♥♥♥ I LOVE THEM. Devs and Canes: Canes vic. Also I'm glad this is the one that's concurrent with the Caps games because it's going to be booooooooring. So, Canes in... eh, 6 or 7. Flyers and Pens: Pens vic. This series should be fun but it is concurrent with the Caps games which kind of sucks because a I want to watch it and b it's on Versus which means it would actually be possible for me to watch it. Ummm... picture-in-picture? This I'm betting will stretch to full capacity too. Unless maybe Crosby and Malkin remember why they're supposedly the second and third best players in the Eastern conference. I was going to do the Western conference too, but then I realised I don't know anything about them. So I pick the Red Wings to win it, although what I'd really like is a Sharks-Blackhawks matchup, which can happen if there are no upsets in the first round; if there are, the Hawks will probably end up playing the Red Wings, which will probably end badly. :/ Maaaaan, Versus will have the draft lottery on TV and I want to watch it soooooo badly. >>; Edit: I've just opened myself up to public scorn by putting VS on in the social lounge to watch the fucking NHL draft lottery. Guys, I'M A NERD. Double Edit: No surprises whatsoever, but poor Hedman having to do a video uplink from Sweden at 2 in the morning. So yeah, Tavares was talking about what a great opportunity he would have playing on the Islanders... yeah, he'll look fucking great when compared to the rest of the team.

	2009.04.13  09.07 Amazon Rank Amazon Rank Amazon Rank Amazon Rank Amazon Rank Lady Chatterly's Lover? Really, Kelloggs?

	2009.04.12  15.14 dan asked me what i would do when hockey season ended Play video games, probably. The Eastern Conference seedings are set in stone now no matter what happens in todays games. There is one game that could effect the Western Conference, but it's for a team I don't care about. :P The games today are Chicago-Detroit, St. Louis-Colorado, Boston-NYI, and Philly-NYR. Actually a Chicago win could move them up one, because they would be tied with Vancouver at 102 points, but it would give them 46 wins to Vancouver's 45. And over halfway through the second period it looks like that might happen. Which would be nice, the Blackhawks are my second favourite team in the West (after the Sharks). They've got adorable Patrick Kane and Jonathan Toews, and some of their team videos are absolutely hysterical. ( So you aren't forced to have your hockey knowledge increased, my dear friends... ) Haha, the Hawks just won so it looks like it will actually be Vancouver vs Calgary and Chicago vs Columbus. Anyway, I have laundry to put away, so I'll leave you with Sporcle. I'm proud to say I can not only fill this entire one in and in under a minute, but I can do it by division. No more forgetting the Predators, Senators, or Kings! (Warning: That website will magically suck away all your time.) Oh yeah, and happy Easter. I was confused as to why there was a bunch of cupcakes with jelly beans on them at the caf, but I figured it out in the end. Music: Dropkick Murphys - Time to Go (heehee)

	2009.04.10  22.56 today's games are irrelevant even for the western conference I have a fantasy baseball team and they are adorable. Unfortunately I was unable to get my favourite cutey Tim Lincecum, but I did get Albert Pujols, who apparently is pretty good at baseball or something. My biggest coup re: cuties is probably Cole Hamels, although Johnny Damon, Joe Nathan, and Dan Wheeler also hold up well to competition. There are also some guys who look better upon second examination, though I'm a little afraid that soon my affection for my boys will cloud my judgement and I will eventually be arguing the attractions of CC Sabathia. I intend to have half zany antics and half soap opera drama: I think I would pair up Cole Hamels and Johnny Damon, except Damon has a super hot wife, so Hamels will be heart-broken. Meanwhile CC Sabathia, Dustin Pedroia, and Albert Pujols are going to have star-studded wacky adventures. NO NO it's Joe Nathan breaking Cole Hamels' heart. And man this post has marinated a long time. Might as well finish with... Happy Birthday, Cat!

	2009.04.07  23.03 this is all in preparation for hockey season... next year's So originally I had a sort of time-wasting sad face post here because I realised about halfway that today kinda sucked, even though at no point was I unhappy or in a bad mood. For the interested I got a C on the rewrite mentioned in the previous post, along with the comment "This makes even less sense than before!" which gave me more of a lol than it should have. ANYWAY, I have a fantasy baseball team! It is called the Adams Family*. There's a pro ball player named Mike Adams who is TOTALLY getting drafted on it, hahaha. Also I put Tim Lincecum as my first round pick because he's so cute. *Dan suggested it, because I have a huge motherly impulse towards my sports teams and am always talking about how I'd like to give them hugs and make them peanut butter sandwiches for the intermissions. THEY ARE MY BABIES OKAY. This happened when I asked Dan how, theoretically, one starts a fantasy hockey team, and he told me to practice on baseball. So we'll see what happens. And here's where YOU come in. YES YOU FRIENDS LIST. I need help coming up with a good fantasy hockey team name. GIVE ME INSPIRATION. So far the best I've thought up was the Stormin' Bees, which comes from the classic song The Good Ol' Hockey Game. Anyone into hockey enough to play fantasy would get it, but it's not that fantastic. Dan's best suggestion was Big Russian Machines (Ovechkin once said that he was "big Russian machine that never break and always produce because [he] love to play") and only draft Russians. My alternate suggestion on that theme was the Red Army. Or I could go with the IKEA Flatpacks, made entirely of Swedes (I do love my Swedes). Any ideas?

	2009.04.01  22.54 "Maybe that... meant something?" Hey guys. I've got a paper to rewrite, so I'd like to take the opportunity to show you some of my favourite sports commercials. I promise it's funny, and in a general way, not a niche "must be an xxhardcore hockey fan to understand it" way. Let's start with some basics: the Guitar Hero World Tour commercial. There's the Heidi Klum version (and there's also a director's cut which is a wee bit more erotic). But that's not interesting. I prefer the one with BAM! Derek Jeter, Tony Hawk, Michael Phelps, and Kobe Bryant and not just because the Birdman is absolutely adorable. Though that's part of it. Even better is those same four athletes tied up together though unfortunately it's less erotic than it sounds. This one is hilarious though. :D (There's also an associated one starring the coaches of some NCAA basketball teams, but I haven't actually seen it air and the only reason I knew about it was because I watched a 'making of' on ESPN... come one, what else am I gonna watch at the rec?) Derek Jeter segues into the Gillette Fusion series of ads starring Derek Jeter, Roger Federer, and Tiger Woods. Being adorable. THAT'S ALL THEY'RE DOING. "See? Five's better than three." "Not in golf." "But in real sports." And hey, while we're watching Gillette Fusion commercials, let's check out some sports 'entertainment' care of the WWE. Vince McMahon and John Cena explain exactly why five is better than three. And John Cena continues to worm his way into my heart. :/ I think he's a cutey, at least. Then there's this, my favourite of the Gillette Fusion ads. Because you know what I like better than professional athletes? COMPUTER-GENERATED PROFESSIONAL ATHLETES. Also Jeter/Federer/Woods are totally having a giant threesome. This is actually a razor aimed at gamers, because we have... different needs in regards to shaving? Absolutely priceless is the "Jeter!" at the end. So speaking of CG'd athletes, I don't think anything will ever top this commercial in cuteness. Tim Lincecum of the SF Giants teaching his CG self how to be him. Includes hot tips like throwing a fastball to show dominance, wearing a towel in the locker room, and not listening to Wang Chung. That just whets your apetite for another dark-haired phenom with cute curls, right? Like... Sidney Crosby? And who wouldn't want him in their shower? Anyway, I feel like I'm shooting my load prematurely by putting it up here already, but the NHL road trip commercial is the funniest damn sports commercial I've ever seen. It may help to know that Crosby and Ovechkin are rivals. Also, the two guys pillow-fighting are Jordan and Eric Staal, both pro-hockey players (along with their brother Marc, who is not in a commercial but is in the funniest fight known to the hockey-watching-populace. Also, I think that's the third time I've linked to that video in my journal, but hey, it's hilarious plus features the beautiful commentary of Joe B. and Locker). Other great hockey ads: Swedish Twins! Hey, I'd be happy if they showed up. The Swedish Brothers Hossa are also acceptable. So is a pair of Nicklas Backstroms, even though Niklas is actually Finnish. Hockey makes you tougher. This is true. I am tougher now that I am a hockey fan. Joe Thornton can't butter toast. But he is cute. He'll never get those Lays. :( Back when Ovie had all his teeth. And naturally I would be remiss if I failed to mention the "This is SportsCenter" campaign. Every single damn ad was hysterical (though some are now heart-breaking -- I remember thinking this was the funniest when I saw it, and now it makes me cry). They have a Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, and Part 5. Although I have found these are considerably funnier now that I know much more about sports. :/ (P.S. Part 5 features a celebration of New Jersey... which is ironic considering how badly the Devils got raped by the Pens tonight.) Just doing the related vids is hilarious... and horribly delaying the writing of this paper. Finally, Terry Tate, Office Linebacker. Now you undertsand what I mean when I say "Don't bring that weaksauce up in this humpty-bumpty! You kill the joe, you make some mo'! YOU KNOW DAT BABY!" OKAY ALL RIGHT. THE REVENGE OF BLAKE. Edit: Oh man, despite the big fat D this paper isn't actually that bad. I mean, it's a D-paper, but it can definitely be salvaged. I think my big problem is that I didn't explain myself very clearly. At least, I hope that's it. Not sure how well I'm going to do it, but eh. I've pulled all-nighters before. XD I just wish the Head RA would quit playing Left 4 Dead in his room at full volume... not because the noise is loud and distracting, but because I'm craving a good FPS like a fucking drug right now. Take Two: Okay, maybe this paragraph boils down to "tigers are more dangerous than horses." It... might need some work. Edit Hat Trick: So I got a little distracted writing hockey-expressionism crossover fanfiction. What, like you've never dreamed about Das Kabinett des Doktor Caligari? Just one paragraph to go... but it's the wretched clusterfuck I saved for last...