Left over from abandoned draft:
Can I call Gretzky the Goethe of hockey, as in the most ridiculous genius ever to have lived? I think I'm gonna do it. TGO - The Goethe One.

Uh, okay. Sure. Anyway. Fall Break.

Scranton is not a vacation destination. However my mother PR'd at Steamtown (as seen on The Office!). There were not jell-o shots at mile 22, at least none that the runners noticed. On the other hand there were apparently millions of tables at each water stop so maybe they just didn't see them. I hold on hope! Also in Scranton I learned how to skate backwards. So there's that.

Hockey extravaganza day! It was Mike Green's birthday, who knew? Anyway, watched practice. KK got some tres adorable shots of die Hauptstädte, including a set of Semin tackling Greener and lying on top of him for at least a minute and a half, then being joined by Laicher who apparently wanted in on the action and started tickling Green or something. Also millions and millions of pictures of Ovie with his tongue sticking out.

The day itself was reasonably uneventful. Went to the Greene Turtle like Joe B. and Locker always tell me to. Wandered around DC. Etc.

The game. Ouch. First off, the upper bowl seats were so high up I thought I was going to get dizzy... though that was nothing compared to the lower bowl. I scoped out some unoccupied seats in the lower bowl and we snagged them during the second period, which had me so on edge I was a nervous wreck. You know how if you stand up really fast you get a head rush and black out slightly? That's how I felt every time I stood up, only it never went away. The fact that we were playing the Cardiac Caps game didn't help. Third period we got confronted by a guy in an Al Iafrate jersey who said we were in his seats. Okay, where the fuck was he for the first two periods? We moved back a row and got asked by the lady next to us if we had tickets for the seats we were in. I hemmed and hawed and tried to look adorably mischievous. Apparently it worked because she informed them she in fact had the tickets and they had been free, so no harm no foul. Still. I am not my father. :(

After the game we stood outside the parking garage and waved at Boudreau, Theodore, Backstrom, Green, Fehr, Clark, Laich, Gordon and probably a bunch of dudes I didn't recognize because they had massively tinted windows and we were too busy shouting at Devils fans. We also booed the Devils bus and some drunk people flipped it off. I told some guy in Brodeur jersey to have another donut, fatso, although that might have been interpreted as a personal insult because he was not svelte himself. I ended up bum-rushing Matt Bradley's car and getting his autograph. I tried the same with Ovechkin but he only signed the two drunk people's jerseys before peeling off. I did tell him малоцы or uh however you spell that. His car is sick though.

Some of the non-hockey people in nice cars parked under Verizon chatted with us at red lights. My personal favourite conversation was with a 30ish guy: "Hey, I'm from Ottawa. Go Sens!" "Why? You're too old! You should've been raised a Leafs fan!" "UGH BOO!" and then he drove off. STILL. To quote Leafs Rumination, if the Senators have only been around since 1992, how are there adult Senators fans, since they should've grown up for the Leafs or Habs?

I, uh, don't want to talk about the game. Theodore made some highlight reel saves near the end, and our shitty defence let him down. 90 seconds in our zone. 90 fucking seconds not being able to clear. Gordon took a terrible penalty near the end... then Morrison takes a penalty in OVERTIME?! GUYS. FUCKING CHILL. At least Semin stayed out of the box. Brodeur also had some great saves, unfortunately, and reminded us why he won 4 Vezinas. And scene. I still feel like I'm going to throw up.

We're only 6 games into the season. Only 6 games into the season. We're not as bad as the Leafs...