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Below are 25 recent journal entries, after skipping 25

	2009.09.09  22.52 what's a boy in love supposed to do So I mentioned to my dad that I needed some running shoes, and my mother was so ecstatic that I was told they'd immediately beer me some doughsky to buy them. I wonder if that attitude will continue when they realise I've recently spent almost $100 on hockey-related things? Anyway, my German Civ prof polled the class and asked who had German music on their iPod. I raised my hand because if you ask if I have music in [insert language] on my iPod I'll agree just because I've got so much shit on there. Then I realised, all I have is things like Der Kommissar and 99 Luftballoons and of course all of Die Fledermaus, none of which is being played in the discotheka in Berlin. So I decided to investigate and find out exactly what Germans are listening to. (The answer, of course, is American pop music, but surely they had to manufacture some tunes of their own.) Billboard was somewhat useful, and I checked out Eurovision, but all of it seemed sterile, and really, who cares about Eurovision? All the songs are kind of gay. Then help arrived from the unlikeliest yet most ubiquitous source: hockey. Die Kölner Haie Webseite (Wir sind Eishockey!) is riddled with pop-up ads, one of which is for Tabasco sauce. But more relevantly, they also offer ringtone downloads!!! With my research thus aided, here is what I discovered about German popular music: ( You are very excited! )

	2009.09.05  19.36 you were watching the whites of your eyes turn red The Internet should shut down at 2 o'clock in the morning. Or something should happen that does not allow me to online shop in the middle of the night goddammit. On the other hand this shirt will look very cute with the skirt I bought today. HOWEVER, even cuter is the THN Yearbook WHOOOO. I better get that stupid subscription for my birthday - we had to steal a card out of an issue in Pittsburgh. I demand this creamy goodness be delivered straight to my CSU. They are, incidentally, prophesying Philly as taking it all. Er. Okay. I mean, they've got Pronger. But they've also got Ray Emery. And another Penn win would hurt bad. I don't hate the Flyers. But they have not exactly endeared themselves to me, and if they do make a legit run that involves stepping on our heads, well - I have mentioned I hate the Atlantic division, right? It's a true fact. I fucking hate the fucking Atlantic division. They've still got the Caps at 2nd in the conference, 1st in our division (SouthLeast FTW) which I can get behind but basically implies we're going to do another choke job. I am really, really, severely into hockey history. Like, current hockey events interest me, and hockey in the 30s-50s interests me. But like, Gretzky? Snoozeville. Lemieux? Yawn. There's just something exciting about reading the hijinks of Conn Smythe, or King Clancy, or Gordie Howe, or Rocket Richard. It might be wanting to know how the past shapes the future, and wondering if one day we'll talk about Ovechkin with the same reverence we do Howe. You know, Gretzky scored 894 goals in his 20 year career. Ovie has scored 219 in his first 4 seasons. Uh. Not that I'm implying anything... (Don't worry. Gretz had 1963 assists, and Ovie's got 201 in 4 seasons. So Gretz had .60 goals per game, and Ovie's got .675 BUT Gretz had 1.32 assists per game and Ovie's only got .62. The goal record might be broken, but the point record never will be. By anyone. I'm looking at you, Kid.) (Also, I'm reading Moneyball, meaning I am now enjoying statistics so much more than I have any right to. Oh, god, more, sabermetrics!) So it occurs to me that I keep ending these posts with "Argh why is it not hockey season yet" and the beginning of hockey season directly coincides with my birthday. Conclusion: I am far, FAR more excited about hockey season than I am about my birthday. Although come this birthday I will be able to drink in Canada... someone get me some Labatt Blue. HOLY SHIT WILLIAM & MARY JUST BEAT UVA. WHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

	2009.09.01  00.28 Extraordinary and oh-so-cool Elapsed time it took to get from 'German speaking experience' to 'hockey ramble' in my German essay: One and a half paragraphs. As soon as I wrote "I can understand German well enough to watch a hockey game" it was all over. Boom goes the dynamite. "The Haie suck and lost against every KHL team they played but they're doing well in the DEL, they beat the Roosters and the Ice Tigers, so hopefully even though they came in second-to-last last season they'll improve this year, we just have to wait and see what happens against some of the good teams like the Eisbären!!" Basically I wrote a German essay that goes like this: "I like German. I have studied it a long time. I like languages. I want to major in German and minor in Linguistics. I'm taking Russian. I am scared of speaking and writing German, but I understand it well enough to watch sports. Like hockey. [Lucid and fluent comments on die Kölner Haie and DEL.] I want to learn German better in this class." Ways to improve my German: have me write about something I give a shit about. Like hockey. Why hasn't the season started yet?! Edit: From an interview with Evgeni Malkin: Dmitry Chesnokov: What will you give Crosby as a [birthday] present? Malkin: What do you mean "what"? Me, of course! WHAT.

	2009.08.26  17.13 Now I see you've broken a feather Both Ted Kennedy and Ted Kennedy are dead. Good-bye and good riddance. Well, I'm back at school and I've already been rip-roaring drunk once. How drunk? I made an XBOXLive friend named CROSBY4207. I've had three classes: Astronomy is going to be a mildly interesting lecture class that I will not take notes for until after the first test, and only if I fail that test. Russian is going to be a shitload of work and I'm going to enjoy every second of it that I'm not completely terrified. Study of Language is going to be fucking sweet, which is unfortunate because I'm not technically enrolled in it yet. Prof said she would get back to me by the Friday. Please God get me into the MW class (because we don't need any Thursday evening classes... unless the Caps decide to be douchebags and kill student ticket night). I learned yesterday that German Civ is actually taught in German. The classroom language is German. I am fucked fucked fucked fucked fucked. And excited. Inglourious Basterds was the greatest ever. Fucking awesome. A-fucking-mazing. So goddamn good. Got my TV+Wii set up. Uh... can't sell back my textbooks from last semester as they are currently elevating my TV high enough off my desk. A'ight, I'm out, it's time to play some Smash. Although my user icon just made me want to play ToS. Edit: WHY IS IT NOT HOCKEY SEASON YET. Double Edit: SERGEI FEDOROV NEEDS TO NOT BE IN ANY MORE MUSIC VIDEOS EVER. AND IF HE COULD RETROACTIVELY ERASE HIMSELF FROM THOSE IN THE PAST, HE SHOULD DO THAT TOO. Trip Edit: This is like the third day in a row that someone in the German house has decided to make something that smells groin-grabbingly delicious. It's like the fuckin Italian house here, holy shit I can smell garlic so so strong... WILLPOWER G I BASICALLY GOT IT DOWN TO ONE MEAL A DAY BE STRONG.

	2009.08.21  16.05 he's a hat-trick scorin' demon From an interview with Ovechkin: Blondes or brunettes? Redheads. THIS IS WHY HE'S THE BEST.

	2009.08.18  15.27 i'm all right, don't nobody worry 'bout me So I did that thing where I lose control of myself, think "I'm what they call a 'mark'", and bought a box of 09-10 Upper Deck hockey cards. Not the full set, just a box of 11 packs and an oversized card (I now have a Jumbo Netminder!). I was kind of frustrated because I was getting a bunch of dudes that I already had an 08-09 Fleer of (I have at least 3 of a certain Flames defenceman, which is quite Phaneuf), and then I got the ultimate pack. A pack in which every card was a reference to an inside joke I have about hockey. Forget about rarity or how much I like a player or anything. Humour trumps all. POST INTERRUPTED BY BREAKING NEWS: SEMYON VARLAMOV IS SINGLE AGAIN. Hopefully I'll learn how to write "Marry Me Varly" in Russian 101. Anyway, without further ado, the cards in this one magical pack: I open it up to find Nicklas Backstrom, who isn't an inside joke so much as number 3 on my 5 Reasons I Love Hockey list. I gotta say, no disrespect to Ovie but Nicklas Backstrom is my favourite player. Full stop. I know I waver all the time but. Backie. That's just the way it is. Let me recount a conversation for you: "Are there any Asian hockey players?" "Uh, there's Paul Kariya." "The Asian hockey player is named Korea?" Yes. Yes he is. Although we should probably stop calling him The Asian Hockey Player. Think of how Richard Park and Devin Setoguchi must feel. Plus, when I asked Dan+Jon to name hockey players so I could search for them by tag on 2m4s before I was really into hockey, the first pairing they came up with was Paul Kariya/Teemu Selanne (I have 3 Teemu cards, by the way). So, uh, there ya go. Chris Durno. DUR-NO DUR-NO DUR-NO! Seriously, I can't believe I got a Chris Durno rookie card. I am lit more excited about this one than Backstrom. Ding dong, it's Carey Price! Even now every time I a) hear a doorbell or b) see a shot go off a goalpost, I shout "Ding dong, Carey Price!" or somehow make a reference to him. Thank you SimontotheB. "Only player got on panties and a brassiere underneath!" It's Ryan Miller! Every time a player mentioned on Knob Hockey comes up in real life, I imitate either their voice or how their voice was said in the video. Hence RY-AN MILLAH. (Don't make me get Daniel Briere on your ass!) And finally, the Rose Bud to Chicago's Citizen Kane, Jonathan Toews, affectionately known as Tazer to everyone who isn't totally sure how to spell or prononuce his actual last name. For everyone I've ever knocked over with Toews in 3-on-3 arcade and then shouted "Don't Toews me bro!", I'm not sorry in the least. That's comic gold. Oh, and by the way Upper Deck? Way to go putting pronunciations on the cards (because I've never been able to figure out how to say 'Osgood') and not putting what fucking position these guys play. Sorry for not knowing off the top of my head whether Paul Kariya is a right wing, left wing, or centre!* I AM A BAD HOCKEY FAN. *He's a left wing.

	2009.08.13  21.24 i know in the past they've called me nasty Things I Can't Believe: -I can't believe that you can dent a car door by scraping it against the garage. -I can't believe that I own 5 shirts, 2 pairs of pants, 1 fleece, and 1 skirt from Hollister. -I can't believe I've spent all day reading Bill Simmons' columns. -I can't belive I'm watching two sporting events at once, neither of which I find more than marginally compelling. -I can't believe I can't drive to Leesburg to check out fucking hockey sticks. -I can't believe the Jonas Brothers did a cover of 'Poor Unfortunate Souls' from The Little Mermaid. -I can't believe that, in this cover, the line referring to Flotsam and Jetsam replaces those names with Nick and Kevin. -I can't believe an hour and a half of stick-and-puck work is not considered exercise. -I can't believe I belong two 4 different sports slash communities, 5 if you count gayingupsports. -I can't believe I find dark black guys really really attractive. But only dark black like KG or Ocho Cinco or that Redskin they just interviewed. -I can't believe I'm legit interested in getting involved in gambling. -I can't believe I return to school in 10 days and moreso, that I'm excited. ( Bonus Wedding Rambling )

	2009.08.09  19.12 I'm kinda buzzed, it's all because [This is how we do it] I hereby rescind everything bad I have said about Pittsburgh! It turns out Pittsburgh is awesome as long as you are drunk the entire time you are there! Pittsburgh is also awesome because they don't card you, ever! If only they could tone down the fucking sports fanaticism.* *The enthusiasm they have for their teams is beautiful and heart-warming and fucking wonderful, which makes it so much worse that they have such fervent support for something so inherently evil. DC loves the Redskins and we don't care even 1/100th as much as Pittsburghers do. I doubt there will be signs on gas stations that say "Lord Stanley where art thou" if when the Caps win the Cup. On the other hand Washingtonians are 100x more intelligent and better looking than the average Pittsburgher, so there's that. I have memories of being about four or five, and having my older cousins (who are now 22, 24, and 26 I think) teaching me dirty words. I suppose this is just the natural conclusion. So yeah an Adams-cousin got married. Big congratulations to cousin Nick and Marlene, big props to the Hedbergs for an open bar, big props to my father and uncle for driving around the Burgh til we found Mellon Arena (quote: "It looks kind of like an igloo!" Really?) and taking a picture of me flipping off Sidney Crosby. Bonus: big props to my body/genetic predisposition to alcoholism for coming together and not giving me a hangover. Okay, the fact that I was still technically drunk when I woke up this morning might also have something to do with that, but no ill effects yet. ( Bonus German Hockey Action ) I just realised that this keyboard doesn't have nail polish spilled on it. :/ Well, it's one misplaced elbow away from turning Philthy Orange. P.S. This Is How We Do It is the bride's favourite song. xD;

	2009.08.07  09.28 lookit how happy he is Happy birthday Sidney fucking Crosby. You know where I'll be? SHITSBURGH. Life sucks. ...So I'm reading the wikipedia article on the Steelers-Ravens rivalry, and it occurs to me that, uh, these dudes legit hate each other. Is wearing my Ravens jersey going to be one of those decisions I regret later? Anyway. Sidney Crosby, 22 years old, still living with his owner. Grow the fuck up, man.

	2009.08.04  10.04 BREAKING NEWS: Thank God we have Russia Today to keep us posted on such matters.

	2009.08.02  11.41 just three seconds is enough for my heart to quit it One week til the KEC Saisonöffnung. I am comically, stupidly, ludicrously excited. Why the fuck should I care about the DEL? Yet for some reason I am drawn to these stupid Sharks. My excuse is that it's a good chance to practice my German, which I don't do industriously during the off-season (uh, summer vacation), and I'm not gonna lie, my vocab has certainly improved by reading old play-by-plays. I now know how to say most of the penalites in German (2 Minuten für Stockschlagens). Unfortunately they don't have a NetTicker for preseason games, because die Haie have just played Avangard Omsk. The name might sound familiar to you (hahaha) because it's where Jaromir Jagr signed after deciding it was too hard to live in America without his companion and lover Mario Lemieux. Or, uh, something like that. Anyway, it's a game I would have delighted in following via ticker or stream or radio broadcast or something but the DEL is not as kind to its fans as the NHL. And that's a tough act to follow. Naturally they kicked our asses (shit, I just said our referring to the Haie) 6-1, with our lone goal scored by Jerome Flaake, who is my favourite player for unknown reasons. They've also got a Canadian dude named Bryan Adams, which is hilarious for known reasons. To be honest, the Haie are not good. We were 15th in the league last year in a 16-team league... though we have the third-most championships of all time after the Eisbären Berlin and the Mannheimer Adler (Berlin Polar Bears and Mannheim Eagles). Apparently we play them again Monday. ...I'm trying to navigate the Avangard site to see if I can get a game summary scoresheet, and I got sidetracked looking at the player roster, and eee! Jaromir Jagr is so cute, and these uniforms are seriously attractive. Plus reading his bio is great fun as I start sounding out Cyrillic words. "Arrrt Rrross Tro...fi?" Anyway a quick look-see showed me that a) Karri Ramo plays for Omsk now?! I have an 08-09 hockey card of him playing for the Lightning... and a glance at his stats tells me why they didn't sign him again hahaha and b) all Jagr netted was an assist. Suck it bb. I actually forgot where I was going with this post, so instead I'm going to steal some poor fuckers' bandwidth and show you pictures of Jagr and his beautiful, beautiful mullet. The majesty. C'mon bb gimme a real smile even if we do hate you in DC. Aww they look like twinsies and they're so happy. Jagr's smile is so cute even if they are wearing those fugly sweaters. This is the picture I was talking about yesterday Ellie. And as a wrap-up: just ordered home opener tickets! SO EXCITED. Basically for my birthday I'm getting a jersey and the tix. That's solid... and it don't get no better than solid.

	2009.07.28  13.51 sometimes you might start a fight Salary Arbitration Day for Milan Jurcina and Kyle Wellwood. Jurcina's I have more personal interest in obvs, because I want to know if we'll have our hulking Slovakian defenceman for the season. Plus I think he's really cute and he and Tomas Fleischmann are like BFFs and super cute together, as seen in the Caps roommates video. Japers' Rink did a really good mock arbitration for him, showing how cruel they can be and therefore how entertaining. The sum-up: "to call Jurcina one-dimensional would mislead the reader by implying there is an area of his game that is particularly strong." Boom! Roasted. So I hope that we can have a mutually agreeable resolution that involves Juicy coming back, because I like him, and every once in a while he does something that proves maybe he's not as completely incompetent as people portray him. On the other hand, I can't wait to hear Kyle Wellwood's. He was given a summer conditioning plan after the 2007 season, and his hard work can be seen, well... let's just check out the picture. DGB has a tag for Kyle Wellwood is fat, and the issue of his conditioning is def going to come up in his arbitration. Basically? I want more Kyle Wellwood is fat jokes. I'm counting on the arbitration to deliver at least the material. I just think arbitration is kinda cool in general. You're on trial for your salary, with one side presenting why they think you should get more and the other saying why you suck and don't deserve a raise. So I eagerly await the outcome of these.

	2009.07.22  14.24 one note spelled l-i-t-e You heard it here first: Stanley Cup Finals 2010, Washington Capitals vs. Chicago Blackhawks, Washington victory. I'm sure people can analyse this to death, but there's two very simple reasons why this will happen. 1. Marian Hossa on the Blackhawks means they will get to the Stanley Cup finals and lose. 2. It's Alex Ovechkin's year to win, since Crosby won last year (uh, this year). Gary Bettman, ball's in your court. Or, uh, puck's in your... defensive zone? Edit Heading to Nawlins from Thursday til Sunday. I'll have my cell but not sure about internet yet. Not, uh, that it matters.

	2009.07.13  00.49 we're going to a place nearby I cannot stop listening to this song. It is driving me fucking crazy. I am making up crazy shit to do on the internet just so I can keep listening to it over and over and over. And my mother wonders why people accuse us of having OCD? gotta go...

	2009.07.08  13.14 mistakes we made; did we live it right So my class goes from 8.30-12.10 and my prof thinks it goes from 8.30-10.20. This is a Good Thing. What is a Bad Thing is that I pass Borders on the way home and it's such an easy jump-off and they have such delicious Raspberr Iced Mochas. :/ On the other hand I finally picked up Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. I spotted them on a display right before I was set to check out, because had I not I would have purchased a book called Pirates! in an Adventure with Communists. Also, way for my Borders Rewards card beering me all these coupons. Whoo whoo. Also finished L.A. Confidential which was SO GOOD and argh when will White Jazz get here. :/ Also LCPL big fail with their not having any books about 1940-50 mob scene. While I wait I'm toying with the idea of re-read The Black Dahlia, because I read (fuck this italicizing) Big Nowhere and LA Confidential in rapid succession, but it's been about a year since I read BD and the only recurring character I remember from it is Ellis Loew. I flipped through it a little and saw some of the incompetent minor cops like Duane Fisk making an appearance. It's cute to see them progress through the ranks and... not get killed... and stuff. The mortality rate for Ellroy novels is v. high. Had weird trouble sleeping last night. I think I have to completely exhaust myself now to fall asleep. :/ Tried reading, playing Elite Beat Agents, and finally writing some porn... which meant I dreamed about gay hockey players. But in a weird way. Also some dude was making fun of this other dude for being drafted by the Avs because he had grown up in a Red Wings-obsessed household. The whole thing would've been pretty funny except there was just this weird creepy undertone to it all; everyone was super calm and unemotional and muted. Tres weird. And the main reason why I'm going to run and watch Confessions of a Shopaholic, so that I get so fucking tired I collapse and dream about, I dunno, gangsters playing hockey?

	2009.07.04  18.26 hello darkness my old friend Happy 4th of July! Unfortunately this holiday is not as exciting as Canada Day. All the same, I enjoy a good dose of patriotism. I love my country and couldn't imagine being from any other. I wonder how important it is to who I am? That is, if I were British or German or Russian or Japanese, would I still be fundamentally me? That's a weird tangent. But not as weird as this one, which I thought of while playing tennis today, and lost a point because I was laughing so hard. If I were to pick up Phil "One-Ball" Kessel (suggested line: "We have the same birthday. Wanna fuck?"), what's the protocol re: testicles? Is he supposed to assume that I've heard? (If I went with that line then clearly I'm a big enough fan to have heard the news.) Or should he warn me first? What if I wanted to blow him? How do you bring that up in conversation? I'm unzipping his pants, and he blurts out "Uh, I only have one ball. It's- there's nothing wrong down there. I mean, besides the obvious. It's normal. Uh. I'm okay." Is that what happens? Do you think he deals with this in real life? I hafta say, if I thought there was something unsually wrong with my body (aside from the fact that I'm grotesque), I would worry about it and obsess about it and panic: do I bring it up? Should I wait for them to say something? Will it freak them out? Should I just put a kibosh on all the proceedings? I guess it has to do with how self-conscious you are. So, um. Deep thoughts. Uh. Phil Kessel is an American. So that's pretty cool. Hey! Today is Mike Knuble's birthday! Happy birthday baby, I hope you enjoy your tenure here in our beloved nation's capital! How convenient!

	2009.07.02  15.49 knubs to the right wing, brashear to nyr I think there's some irony that on the first day of free agency, I spent some quality time balancing my checkbook, and on the second day, I've moved on to accounting homework. Honestly, looks like I can balance figures better than the Bruins. Man this is fun. I'm such a fucking nerd. I thought sports were supposed to make you cool?

	2009.07.01  15.26 you're still within my heart Happy Canada Day, guys. And you know what that means: FREE AGENT FRENZY. Basically today has been great. I'm drinking the Kool-Aid, baby: just bought a buncha crap from Hollister. Yay employee discount, saved me about 20 bucks. Also picked up a new DDR pad, which adds the spice my workouts have been lacking. Man I missed it. I'm not in as good shape as I was back in my peak playing days, but I have gotten better at rhythm games/rhythm in general, so I'm basically about the same. Free Agent Frenzy started at noon, I was home by 12:15. After every song I would check the feed to see what trades went down. Since I'm a Knub (haha pun we just picked up Mike Knuble, though you pronounce the K) I'm following the live-chat on Puck Daddy, where the wonderful Greg Wyshynski is hosting people who know what the fuck they're talking about and hopefully giving me relatively accurate information. And by that I mean they get TSN or possibly the NHL Network and are watching... whatever those networks are airing that's giving exclusive details. Plus DGB was invited, and he's shot up my list of People Who Are Basically the Coolest Ever (just like Sergei Fedorov shot up my list of People Who Are Basically the Hottest Ever, have a good time in the KHL baby). So right now I'm chilling outside on the porch in a lounge chair (someone get me a pina colada), keeping up with the signings which I find ludicrously and irrationally fascinating, hoping GMGM doesn't do something crazy (giving up Brashear to NYR is toeing that line, babycakes), and enjoying the fact that right now my life is pretty fucking good. C'mon guys, let's get that second-line center!

	2009.06.28  16.22 their information dispersal system is sub-par Oh God I still smell like Hollister. Not just my clothes (my shirt reeks terribly) but even my skin smells like SoCal room spray. So remember when I said like two days ago that Semin- HOLY SHIT. WHAT THE FUCK. Billy Mays just died. I- I'm crying. I didn't cry over McMahon or Farah or MJ but I'm fucking crying over Billy Mays. I'll wait to yap about possibly trading Semin whenever his contract is up (where can I get that info anyway?). RIP Billy Mays. I watched Sunday morning infomercials specifically to see Oxi-Clean and Orange Glo. I got excited every time the Ding King commercial came on, I thought it was totally sweet. Those ESPN ads, where you show how sports get transmitted through a cable into your computer? Fucking awesome. You're the coolest adman ever, and you will be missed.

	2009.06.26  22.29 anyone got a copy of I'm Yours by Jason Mraz? Holy shit guys I am a nervous wreck about the NHL draft. My hockey-philistine thoughts read pick with # and between round trades with -. ( the announcers are drunk; brian burke is pissed; the montreal crowd is vocal ) Shit, I wonder if I'll ever do that again. Things to look forward to: is Sidney Crosby the Raiden of the NHL?; discussing/speculating the Capitals free agents; Canada Day!

	2009.06.22  19.40 Hey what's up Guess what. I've got actual news rather than hockey blather. And pictures! Everyone loves pictures, right? ( Not there isn't hockey involved... ) I start working at Hollister tomorrow. I'm kind of nervous... but not terribly. I have so low expectations that something truly disastrous has to happen for this to go down at a failure. Also, how the hell did I get a job at Hollister but not Gamestop? I mean, I learned I'm secretly white trash/Canadian -- can they see beyond the surface and discern that I'm secretly... popular? Woohoo to Ovie for getting the Hart and the Rocket Richard and the Pearson again. Next year you'll get the hardware that really matters, baby. Sergei Fedorov gets hotter every time I see him. Goddamn.

	2009.06.16  14.15 uh-uh, i've got a great idea... Haha shit, nobody saw that last entry, did they? I had tried to start an entry like ten times, and I was considering the idea of posting the opening line from each attempt, but it ended up sounding like an awful attempt at poetry and meaningfulness. Questions, though. My mouse icon is flickering weirdly. When I'm not typing or moving it, it disappears, and it flickers when I try to move it. It isn't affecting performance but it's annoying as shit. Anyone know what the hell's up? Also, NHL Awards are this Thurs. Predictions for the ones I care about - for example, I don't give a shit about the Calder. Hart: Obvs I want Ovie to win, but I'm feeling Malkin. He just picked up the Conn Smythe, not that playoff performance has any affect (thank God) but I think we all saw it coming once it was clear Pitt was going to the finals. I'm also gonna say Malkin for the Pearson, though it's him, Ovie, and Dats up for it as well. I love a Russian spread. Lady Byng: I think Pavel Datsyuk will win the Pavel Datsyuk Award. Vezina: I think everyone wants Tim Thomas to win it, and what do I care? Would be cute if Steve Mason won both this and Calder though. Norris: I am super-excited about this one. Now, Nik Lidstrom is a fucking great D-man who absolutely deserves it, and Chara is also excellent. But Mike Green broke a record set by Bobby Orr. Bobby fucking Orr! Give him the goddamn trophy so we can forget how he shat the bed during the playoffs. Masterton: Well, who had the worst shit happen to him lately? I'm going with Zednik getting his carotid sliced. Basically if you get some kind of lymphoma you're a lock for this one. Jack Adams: I would vomit if Bylsma were up for this (that's a pun, because the first syllable of his name is "bile"). That's all I've got. Selke: Throw Dats another bone and give him the defensive forward award. Doesn't that seem counterproductive? This is the anti-Mike-Green trophy, by the way. Yo, anyone want to go to Ballston Mall to watch the Awards with Wyshynski from Puck Daddy? Or even better, Vegas road trip! (Nobody ever say those words to Ian, ever.)

	2009.06.12  22.59 Today I had my wisdom teeth removed and watched the Penguins win the Stanley Cup. Guess which hurt more.

	2009.06.09  22.44 i hate gary bettman And I'm blaming it on him, although they tried to make up for it in the third period. But there were at least three uncalled penalties in the second. And I'm still pissed about six men on the ice for like 20 seconds and apparently no one fucking noticed it. Really? And Bettman wonders why people don't take the NHL seriously? My Week+ in short: -Oh Bears, why do you taunt us? Couldn't you have wrapped this shit up in Hershey? I'm amazed you got away with a game in Manitoba since home ice advantage is even more important in the AHL (how many Moose fans do you think live in Pennsylvania?) -Did you know leaving a book on your dashboard during the hottest part of the day melts the binding and makes all the pages fall out? I didn't! -I ended up buying House of Leaves. If I finish The Alchemy of Stone before my books get here from the library, I'm starting it. Of course, AoS is kinda tough to read now that all the pages have fallen out... -I interviewed at Hollister. They have a comically strict appearance policy. For example, you can only wear flip-flops, and only in certain colours. You cannot wear fingernail polish, and your toenails can only be red or a variation thereof (like pink or dark red). You cannot have any black jewellery (like a black watch face, or black gems on stud-earrings). On the other hand you can have a visible tattoo as long as it's not offensive or on your face/neck. -Since there's no fucking way I'm getting a job there, I have to bug Gamestop again. -I'm sick again. Technically I never stopped being sick, but I did get to the point where I could function on just 4 advil a day, and now I'm back to shivering under blankets and feeling nauseous (actually the nausea is a new symptom, and I think it's brought on by, uh, P. Pittsburghius). -This is hilarious partly because of how obvious it is that the author is a huge fucking hockey nerd. I've been seeing that a lot lately -- or more probably, noticing it a lot lately. Like in the credits of 30 Rock, when Dennis wanders into the office with the Cup, in the cast of credits it lists "Lord Stanley Cup as itself". Even though they use hockey as a tool to show that Dennis is, well, a tool, it's clear that there's someone behind the scenes that gets it. No other trophy is treated the same way as Stanley. -By the way, re: using hockey as a way of showing how pathetic someone is: I've got something like 19,000 words saved up about this. I'm still deciding whether to inflict it on people or just let it fester until I do something drastic, like set cars on fire (like a Habs fan!). -This is just great because of how creepily accurate it is. (P.S. Don't tell anyone, but I like Chris Osgood!) -I get my wisdom teeth removed on Friday. It's also Game 7. That means if I throw up, my mouth is going to hurt a whole fucking lot. Go Red Wings!

	2009.05.31  17.27 i'm not sure i'm smart enough for danielewski But that's not going to stop me from buying House of Leaves tomorrow. A new Dave Barry book might though. I checked out Only Revolutions from the library and I'm not sure I can handle it. I feel I might have a better grip on House of Leaves because it's horror and therefore a) something I understand and enjoy and b) works better for being batshit insane and incomprehensible. C'mon, who the hell knew what Caligari was about? And it's scary! Accounting, ugh. Job search, ugh. So that's all I'll say about that. Yay Red Wings for beating the Penguins. I don't actually care about the Wings, but they're the right colour, and let's be honest: I'd be supporting the Avery-J. Ruutu-Osgood team if they were all about taking down the Penguins. The Obama team- well, no, I like Sidney Crosby significantly more than I like Obama. *Political humour!* Marc-Andre Fleury's ass scores another goal for the Wings in the finals, just like it did last year. I wonder what it would do to their salary cap? Actually Flower isn't a bad guy. His ass scores a lot of goals, his nickname is Flower for God's sake, and he's willing to humour fans with silly signs. Plus he's just a cute French-Canadian, unlike Crosby who's just plain ol' Canadian, which you'd think would be better but in his case is actually worse. But more importantly, the Hershey Bears won their first game against the Manitoba Moose. Andre Giroux scored a hat trick, with the third goal coming in overtime (and therefore being the game-winner). Oskar Osala also netted two -- I think I like him because of how many vowels he has in his name. Anyway, this bodes wonderfully and Dan got the tix for game 3 on Saturday so WOOOOOOOOO time to see the Bears drop chocolate all over the Moose on home ice. I'm tres excited. Oh, Jon's birthday is today. He's 20. This means that next year he turns 21. That means that I won't spend a second of my junior year sober. Hell yeah. Maybe that will make the Caps more palatable. On the other hand, if we do win Lord Stanley, I will be setting cars on fire. I'm not joking. Edit: Toronto is only 9 hrs 15 mins away from my house! Ian, road trip?! But why is Smith 8 hrs 4 mins away despite being 20 miles farther? Did they factor in time for Trouble At Customs? ...And to get specific directions I picked a place in Toronto, that is the Air Canada Centre aka home of the Toronto Maple Leafs. But hey I'm sure it's in the middle of the city. Edit: I am in the process of spending way too much time seeing exactly how far I am from hockey arenas. I'm almost 500 miles from the Joe and yet it still says only 8 hrs 22 mins. Although to get there I have to go down Steve Yzerman Dr. heeheehee. I'm 11 hrs away from Chicago and 40 away from Anaheim (it says "take I-80 (Passing through ARKANSAS, OKLAHOMA, TEXAS, NEW MEXICO, and ARIZONA, then crossing into CALIFORNIA)" hahaha). Man it's a good thing I know the names of all the arenas in the NHL huh? *embarrassed* Oh wow 3 hrs 16 mins to Philly? Flyers games here I come.