GalaxySong9's Livejournal

but your empty eyes seem to pass me by

2009-11-17T02:27:19Z

Oh my GOD I love being a goalie. Please excuse me fellating myself for a moment.

So yeah yesterday was my first time puckstopping for an entire floor hockey game. And I played really well... okay, except for one Toskala moment when the ball (we use a field hockey ball) bounced over my catching glove and I snapped at it and completely missed. The final score was 3-3 which is our most successful game thus far. :( I made some fantastic kick saves though and apparently I have a good sense for where the ball is. Jon said I moved very little which I guess is because I knew where the ball was and how to best stop it.

Greatest moment though was there was this random dude playing on our team who had never played with us before who was apparently a legit hockey player. He thought our game plan was having a pretty good offenc and an awesome goalie rather than having an awesome offence that meant the goalie never saw a shot. At one point he even told one defenceman to move up and the other one to just cover whatever wing because 'she can stop anything she can see'. He was really patronizing to a bunch of people after the game (giving them unwarranted advice, and taking co-rec floor hockey just a little too seriously) but since all he did was tell me how great I was, I was completely fine with him. Also have a gigantic purple bruise on my upper thigh that looks pretty great. The other goalie almost started a fight with Jon (and called him a faggot... but I think Jon actually started it though he won't admit it), and I was so ready and raring to fight him. Nothing better than a goalie fight!

Managed to go skating on Saturday AND took in a college hockey game: Christopher Newport vs. Liberty. Really terrible, but I got ochen into it and was cheering for CNU and banging on the glass and propositioning the goalie and everything. Practiced skating, have gotten a lot better at it. Getting skates for Xmas :) Like Mats Sundin, I don't believe in rentals.

Please enjoy this. It is currently my wallpaper.

there is time to kill today

2009-11-10T18:45:18Z

I might have the most MONEY schedule next year.

At first I had one class on MWF, then three classes on Tues and four on Thurs, so I looked for something to fill up MWF.

BOOM. DETECTIVE FICTION. DETECTIVE FUCKING FICTION. If I can swing this sched then I am so fucking set.

15 credits, which is basically one fewer class than this semester plus it's all shit that I WANT to do without Astronomy or Philosophy fucking me over. I'm not sure if I can actually swing it, since I don't know how popular Detective Fiction will be, P&P only has a few spots left, and Creative Writing is always a crapshoot. However P&P is the same professor I had for Study of Langauge this year and I'm doing really well, so she might give me an override; I might be able to wheedle my way into Detective Fiction with how fucking much I know about Doyle, Chandler, Christie etc.; and if I can't talk my way into Creative Writing fuck me because there's really nothing I'm better qualified for. "Excuse me professor would you like to read excerpts from my novel?"

All the sophomore level Creative Writings didn't fit my schedule, so instead I'm taking... Beginning Acting. Yes, I've studied drama for 4 years. But there's no objective exam that I can take that would preclude me from taking "Beginning" Acting. Maybe I'll just confuse the fuck out of the teacher when I talk about Fresnel lenses and the Stanislavsky method. Also P&P was filled and my prof just told me it was in huge demand. Fuck. There goes my shot of finishing even a linguistics MINOR. Can't take English linguistics in a country that doesn't speak English.

Honestly the only thing missing from this is Sports Statistics or Hockey History or Shirtless Athletes, all of which I'd ace the fuck out of.

Quote of the day: "But sometimes a gun without bullets can shoot, and that was us." Thank you, Belarus.

Probably going to buy this. Might buy these. Think this is basically the coolest thing ever but far, far too expensive.

i want to shoot the whole day down

2009-11-09T19:55:42Z

Lab got pushed back an hour, so instead of sighing with happiness that I have extra time to work on this shit I have no idea how to do, I'm updating ye old livejournal. Priorities! Work ethic!

I had a complete freakout when I got to floor hockey and some girl had already put the goalie pads on, and was making comments like "how do I put the chest protector on?" and "wait, I'm right-handed, doesn't the catching glove go on my right hand?" Infuriating because a) I'd been told I could goaltend and b) I was a catcher for my entire softball career, the equipment is almost exactly the same, and I can put the gear on and off in like 30 seconds and c) how much of a fucking moron do you have to be to not know which hand you catch with?

But for some crazy fucking reason she didn't want to play the entire game, so I took puckstopping duties for the third period... and it quickly became apparent that she is way better at defence and I am way better at goaltending. So that was fucking dumb. It's not like I'm even good at it, I just know the concepts behind it and, uh, was a catcher for a long time. Which led to the most embarrassing play of the game, when someone went high stick side and I tried to reach over with my catching glove because, uh, that's what you'd do if someone threw a wild pitch over your right shoulder.

Also, still trying to figure out why Jon thinks I have below average agility for a 20 year-old. I have above average ability at sports, and for fuck's sake, I spent 4 years on the top six of the varsity tennis team in high school. I can see why being a good catcher wouldn't have much to do with agility, but fucking tennis? I think Jon's biggest problem is that he never learned why you have to lie to women. He knows you should, and he chooses not to because of meaningless concepts such as integrity but mostly smugness, but I think he just doesn't understand, IT IS THE RIGHT CHOICE TO LIE TO WOMEN.

Have seen Goats twice, and the second time I had this conversation with the concessions guy.
Him: (something about my being a Capitals fan)
Me: What, do you not like the Capitals?
Him: Yeah, I'm a Canes fan.
Me: (tries not to laugh) I'm sorry you just lost to the Maple Leafs.
Him: Yeah... But all our good players are injured right now.
Me: Man, Eric Staal was sucking /before/ he got hurt. He had what, 6 points?
Him: All right, all right, shut up...

(As it turns out, Staalsy had 5 in 13.) It's moments of ownage like that that make my obsessive attention to detail in the hockey world worth it. See also: "Doesn't Peter Forsberg play for Modo Hockey?"

Just made the snap decision to take a rain check on going to a lecture given by a Russian filmmaker who worked with another Russian filmmaker who I really like and I desperately want to go but I have no time and more importantly no energy. Fuck all I want to do is sit around and watch either the Kings game or this Russian gangster show. I'm so tired..............

situatsiya help, situatsiya SOS

2009-11-06T14:58:06Z

I decided to watch the Caps game and drink this shiny new bottle of vodka. I really hoped that I would come up with something funny or at least entertaining.......... I think I failed. AND the Caps lost. D: It was all bad.

6.30: I do my first shot. It is Wolfschmidt Vodka, purveyors to tsars Alexander III and Nikolai II. It tastes really really awful. I'm actually typing this at 6.40, and my typing is already slightly impaired. Just slightly though.

6.47: I do my second shot, and think really, really hard about revising my plan to do a shot every time someone scores. Maybe just the Caps. Or maybe just at intermission. This will probably change when I start feeling it. Jon is playing 3-on-3 arcade and making giant frowny faces because people are winning in cheap ways. Apparently one of the controllers is broken. Not that I'm blaming anyone, but only one of us throws controllers in anger.

So let me take this pregame time to discuss Sidney Crosby. A) check out that pad save he made in goal. Very cool. Even I'll admit that. And b) have you seen his most recent fight? Pure hockey, right there. Shucked off the mittens, threw a couple of punches, got the guy's helmet off, then pulled the jersey over his head. I don't know if I've put this forth before, but I think Sidney Crosby might be the most Canadian hockey player ever. He's SO Canadian. I have to say, I enjoyed that fight immensely. The save too, but I liked Ian White's just as much, and he didn't get any press. They have literally five videos asking him about it. Who cares that much? I don't.

So let me talk about someone I like much better (I get easily sidetracked while drinking): PHIIIIIIIIIIL KEEEEEEEEESSEL. Basically I agree with everything Down Goes Brown says, but when do I not? I know I said previously that the first two periods of the Maple Leafs-Caps game (the Caps home opener) the Caps simply looked like they were in a different league from the Leafs. The Leafs just didn't belong on the same ice as the Caps. Well, Phil Kessel looks like he doesn't belong on the same ice as the Leafs. He doesn't have anyone capbale of feeding him passes like MArc Savard, and there isn't anyone worth passing to. I watched the game, and there were times when I thought, "Why doesn't he pass there?!" It didn't occur to me until later that, duh, he didn't pass because there was no one worth passing to. It was just as likely that he would score off an improbably shot than that his teammates would score off a beautifully set up passing play. (...By the way, seen this tic-tac-toe goal yet? DAYUM SON.)

7: I maintain that Marty Brodeur is fat. I will brook no disagreement! Where's Nick Backstrom! He wasn't listed on the lines! It said Felischmann, Knuble, and Morison would be the first line. Uh, O tjpought. I mean, I thought. SO this is an Ovechkin-less squad, with Matheiu PErrault called up instead. No I'm not fixing typos. I thought it would be more entertaining if I didn't. Varlamov is in net right now rather than Theo.

7.13:I just recited Brian Rolston's total career transactions. It's a little embarrassing. This breadstik is delicious!

7.17: Joe B and Locker just cracked up for no apparent reason. Miami of Ohio? That's a thing? Who knew. I just got treated with looks of deriosion. Ooh, Power Play for the Capitals!
(See, I thought it would b ereall funny to trya nd alnayse the game while drunk, but ti turns out I don't really have anything to analyse. Huh.) Salvador for hooking.

7.20: Great slappy from Mike Green, immediately negated by him fucking up. I wish Al Iafrate were here. <3 ♥ Stupid thing said Poti was ascratfh but he's clealry on the ice! Turns out they meant Pothier. Why?! It means Keff Schulzt is the on ice instead!

7.23: I just got hit with both a sign that says "C'mon son!" and the pun "Salvador is off the hook for his hooking penalty". Almsot more important than NHL season is the beginning of the hardcore punning season.

7.27: Jurcina stickchecks Parise and the net goes off its moorings. That probably should've been a pnealty, but anything that makes people not hate him as much sa they do is omething I am highly in favour of.

7.31: I'll be playing goalie in the floor hockey this week, so I was told to pay careful attnetion- A NEW SMOKIN AL KOKEN COMMERCIAL! Ahem. To pay special atention to the goalies just to leanr the basic style and positioning.

7.35: GOAL BY SLOAN ASSIST BY PERRAULT! FANTASTIC! aND i DO ANOTHER SHOT. And forget to take caps lock off. Still, a great fucking pass by Perrault... and I'm still unsure whether Sloan is supposed to bne playing forward or defence. He has been defence previously, but right now, forward?

7.38: I think I just called Brian Rolston Brodeur' sister in law. It's the Backstrom-Lacih-Semin line, which is both amusing when said out loud and one of my personal favourites.

7.40: End of first period! We have a 1-0 lead! highlight reel shows Joe Thornton goal! I like it. I like Joethornton. Also he is like one of maybe 3 people I am sexually attracted to. ...too much information? Anyway, intermissions last fuckin forever, so I guess... umm... I lost my train of thoguht. I almost got up and started to practice butterflying, then realised I was wearing a skirt.

7.46: Locker is interviewing PErrault, and I can barley understand their accents, but something they said lent itself to a sexual joke and I... made it such. Sorry, I 've fortoggen, FORGOTTEn all mky cleverness already tonight. I'm only three shots in!

7.58: Second period begins. I admit that I would suck Brodeur's occk, but I wouldn't enjoy it. Good save by Varly! Pikkarainen is a silly name, and alsomt as big on his jersey as Langenbrunner.

8.03: I'm looking at my development camp pics of Perrault... and the Devils score. Rolston! That means I have to do another shot, dammit. It's either celebrating our victories or drowing my sorrows. I guess I didn't mention it, but my precition for this camge is 2-1 CAps. Goddamt, that goal is partially Mike Green's fault,. AGAIN. Hvea Im entioned that I'm angry with him lately? I'll do the shot during the next commerical.

8.11: This vodka tastes a lot better now that I've had three... four shots of it. That is, the fourth shot tastes a lot better than the first three did.

8.12: Uh, there's Semin going off. I mean, he's got a penalty for a slash. Locker just used the phrase :foul swoop". Not quite it. Not gonna lie, this game has been relatively slow offensively. One goal each, amd O feel like time has passed quickly, but no one's done much. Good cover Valramov! Not being sloppy, which is what you like to see. Maybe he's playing up to his opposite's level.

8.18: Mike Green sets up Morrison with a beautiful shot and Morrison completely fucks it up. At least it's NOT Mike Green's fault for once. Also, I'm currently dipping sesame breadsticks in chocolate frosting because icing was called and it reminded me there was some in the cabinet. God, I'm typing surprisingly well for someone who has had four shots of cheap-ass vodka.

8.21: I am about as excited about the Acela express telestrator as Lopcker is. i enjoyed that journey baby.

8.28: Aww, Locker is making fun of Joe B trying to get him to go to singles night. And Joe B used the phrase "Get jo-jo backi nthe saddle." I LOVE HTESE ANNOUCNERS. A LOTE. EVEN MORE THAN BOB COLE AND HARRY NEALE,

Ooh! Truculence! Clark fighting Pelley! I fucking love Clarkie. I want his jersey. That's next on my wishlist.

Joe B said "Leblond? Leredhead? Lebrunette?" I LOVE HIM. "We got to keep this entertinaing, because the product ion the ice has been a bit of a tractor bpull." True facts.

8.31: I forgot what I was going to say. But we're supposed to get some Ovechkin interview action during the break, so that's exciting! Except that I'm goint to play Mirrors Edge instead, because I figure it will be a fun experience while rundk. I mean drunk.

8.36: Annie goes in for some Mirror's Edge. Dan takes over the blog, expecting crazy antics. We move to Dan's analysis: I'm expecting Annie to screw up in hilarious ways, but alas she can't even get into the game without issue. She accidentally continues the game, finding herself at the end of the game. Sad face for her. Another sad face for her: "There's sesame seeds in my icing..."

8.38: Red pole in front of Annie's character. "That's red! Red is caps hockey! Grab it you whore!" Annie is faced with the equivalent of a scaffolding skyscraper. Her chance of success is not high.

8.41: Dude, where's my car?

8.42: Like driving, Annie may actually be better while drunk. Details at 11.

8.43 and 11 seconds: She isn't.

8.44: Annie's sense of directions fails, leading to her death. She then inconceivably manages to find a way to die within 2 seconds of being alive.

8.45: For those wondering, the hilarious expression "C'mon Son!" is made slightly funnier when delivered with a plastic fork in your mouth. Not that we have experience...just guessing.

8.46: Annie's dying so much that even cats are starting to be a little nervous.

8.48: Interpretive cartoon: Elmer Fudd runs by Annie in the woods. Annie's nervous. Fudd has a shotgun. Fudd sees a sign next to Annie that says "ANNIE SEASON." Annie says NO NO WAIT and spins the sign, and on the back, it says... "ANNIE SEASON." I think we all know who's going to be the feast for the Fudd family tonight.

8.50: I'm amusing myself by continuously typing while Annie is playing. I'm enjoying how she doesn't want to feel left out so she tries to subtly glance at what I'm writing. I think I'll keep going so it seems a little more epic...so...the weather outside was ok today...I'm wearing a white shirt...there's a white rat chilling in a cage over there named Luna...man, stream-of-consciousness is not as hard as it's cracked up to be. I just looked up, Annie died again. Her character is breathing harder than Marty Brodeur fucking Brian Rolston (Annie's joke). [It was originally jsut a run of the mjill Marty Brodeur is fat joke, but I glanced over just in time to make it gay.]

8.53: Pretty soon the word "Annie" will be a term that lemmings use to describe abnormally suicidal people.

8:56: Caps game likely back on. I'll wait for her to read this and feel guilty so we can change it to the caps game.

8.58: Ahem.

8.59: I'd twiddle my thumbs but that would likely result in a typo.

9.00: Annie ties the record...again...for quickest death...and ties it again...in history. I want to make an SSX Tricky reference but most people won't get it. Woe is me. For people that would... "problem is, I LIKE falling!"

I take back the compy just in time for the first tv timeout of the third period. We've missed 7 mintues of it, but nothign hpappend. Valry made a GREAT save though. I'm now at the point that I WANT to do another shot but I need someone to score so it can happne. and it's prbalbly a bad diea. It is after all Wednesday night.

9.06: You think Varly will be up for Calder? My drunk is wearing off. :( I hope someone scores. But POaige is bringni me a cochelota... chocolate bar!

9.09: commercial brake, and Top Gun is on CMT~!! Please change the chanlle before IU bceom enveloped in the only slightly veiled homosexuality!

9.11: Speaking of only slightly veiled homosexuality, Semin takes a penalty for hooking. WHAT AHOOKER. Not gonna lie though I like a good PK. And ours is often pretty. Except now, when some fuckhead scores in like three seocnds. Bergfors. At least I get to do another shot.

9.13: Serously, this vodka becomes more and more tolerbale with every shot I take. honestly though, I'm still not really drunk. :/ Good aave Varly!

9.16: Someone says that this is a team that puts a chokehold on a lead. For sure. I predict 2-1 Dvils now. Leight brought a Mr Goodbar though! YAAAAAAY.

9.19: FUCK. PK AGAIN. FUCK. THEY SCORE. FAAAAAAAAAACK. I CANNOT BE MORE SHRILL RIGHT NOW. FUCK MO I'M BLAMING YOU FOR THIS FUCKING PENALTY YOU FUCKING SUCK FUCK FUCK UFCK.

9.21: I only did half a shot because that would be my sixth and I actually have a class tomorrow. So, uh... FUCK. SEMIN JUST GOT CALLED ON ANOTHER FUCKING PENALTY. OKAY. THE DEBUT OF MY "TRADE SEMIN TO ATLANTA" ESSAY IS IN THE FUTURE, AND BOUDREAU IS SO ANGRY HE'S TURNED PURPLY-RED AND LOOKS LIKE HE'S GOING TO BE APOPLECTIC.

9.23: Joe B and Locker are arguing over who gets credit for that goal. My anger is soothed by how much i love them.

9.25: We don't manage to clear at any point but we kill the penalty. Semin gets a breakaway as he exits the box but misses. I feel like the entire night we've been slightly off-kilter and out of sync. Maybe it's the lack of Ovechkin? Replay of the Perrault assist, ochen harasho. Empty net.

9.27: FLEISCHMANN BEATS BRODEUR! 2-3 MAYBE WE CAN DO IT OH GOD I DON'T NEED MORE ALCOHOL. I just took a swig straight from the bottle. EN again. I feel like we haven't actually come together as a team until now.

9.31: Final score, 3-2 Jersey. Again, I think we didn't play to our potential until the last about three minutes of the third period. Varly gets his first regulation loss. Boudreau is going to be angry as FUCK and I don't blame him. If anything I think our play means he's not hard enough on us. Ovechkin's absence I don't think is reason enough for our lackluster performance, and how many fucking penalties did we take in the last period? Give Semin less fucking ice time... "lazy, selfish, careless penalties." That's what I've been saying all along! Man Semin is polarizing. His playing well is enough to recommend him, it's utterly fantastic, yet his playing poorly, or lazily/selfishly/carelessly is SHIT. I've given up on feminine compassion. TRADE THE MOTHERFUCKER.

HIS DUMB FACE IS ANNOYING.

The end.

Actually, not really. Caps take on Panthers today, which is a much-not watch for anyone not specifically a Caps or Cats fan, because especially Ovechkin-less I can't think of a less intersting matchup. On the other hand tonight the Leafs rearrange... I don't know why I wrote that word, I think I just meant "visit" the Hurricanes. Both teams have 7 points, the Canes with a 2-9-3 and Leafs 1-7-5 which students of Math may notice adds up to 14 and 13, meaning, NO, FUCK YOU, THE LEAFS ARE NOT THE WORST TEAM IN THE LEAGUE. The Canes have an even number of points with one game more. On the other hand yes these are the TWO worst teams so how exciting is that.

And Big Props for my boy Anze and his Kings fucking the shit out of the Penguins on the road. Yeah baby I'm personally in favour of any Penguins loss but tastes even sweeter from the Kings

and if the boys wanna fight you better let em

2009-10-30T17:57:37Z

So I did the hockey friending meme and friended a bunch of people who may or may not notice/read my journal. On the other hand I like to yap so you're getting hit with this.

I've been interested in hockey ever since Ovechkin's name started showing up in the gossip pages in the Post. Before I cared about hockey I still thought he was awesome because wow, random Russian is a huge celebrity in DC, that's sweet. I've also ice skated for a long time - in fact my 16th birthday party was at an ice rink, before the KCI was completed, and the Capitals were practicing on the other rink (we went over and shouted "We love you Ovechkin!" at one point).

I've always been a nerd; when I get into something I get way into it. So I went to college last year and met two guys who were giant giant giant sports fans, and got really into sports, in a nerdy way. The one that I dug the most was hockey, partially because of Ovechkin, partially because of how it just seemed so much more interesting than the other sports. It's faster than baseball, faster-paced than football, and, well... I just never watched much basketball. I mean, my local team is the Wizards. C'mon son. So I started watching it more, and more, and then I went to games, and started looking at stats, then I watched the draft, and went to development camp, and, and !!

The Washington Capitals are my team, my love, the light of my life. Naturally I'm also a Hershey Bears fan (I saw them play the Moose in the playoffs last year). I also really like the Toronto Maple Leafs - Down Goes Brown is responsible for this, but I also read, uh, 3 or 4 hockey history books over the summer and God, the Original Six era is awesome as balls, and Conn Smythe was the man, and I enjoy their past so, so much. In this context looking at their current state of affairs is very interesting, as a team that has every reason to be the best in the league and inexplicably sucks. Half my family lives on the West Coast, so I'm something of a Sharks fan, but lately I've been drawn in by the Kings (which is blasphemy, because we're Northern CA not SoCal).

My favourite players I'd say are Nicklas Backstrom (Caps-version, though both are on my fantasy team), Ovechkin, Joe Thornton, and Anze Kopitar. Sergei Fedorov is probably my favourite of all-time, and occasionally I watch Metallurg games just to see him (and, uh practice my Russian). I also love Joe Beninati and Craig Laughlin more than is healthy or normal.

I, uh, kind of lost my train of thought on the nerd thing, but I really enjoy looking at statistics. I knocked out an entire Philosophy class on NHL.com seeing if there were anomalies in penalty minutes for various players (you know Mikhail Grabovski only fights against the Canadiens?). I spent a Study of Language writing the "Why Semin Should Go To Atlanta" essay only to be swayed back by that fuckin wrister against the Flyers on Tuesday. I am open to any and all discussions, even crazy wacky ones.

Uncomfortable topics: I do not like the Canadiens. Like, at all. Carey Price makes me irrationally angry. I also do not like the Penguins, although I'm slightly more open-minded about them. I don't like the Flyers, but in a good-natured way, like the Caps are the good guys and the Flyers are their nemesis whose evil plans are always getting foiled. I am not a big fan of Dany Heatley (one of the reasons the Kings gained ground on the Sharks, though he's made them so good I'm relaxing a little), or Sidney Crosby, or Gary Bettman.

So, uh, that's me.

Thrash game was... well, like to see AO get two goals; Varly played well though he wasn't challenged much and he got a little lazy toward the end, as he is prone to (but not the 19:59 Bogosian goal, that was skill from Atl rather than Varly-suck); clean game, but really, a Kovy-less Atlanta? Not terribly exciting or worrying. Tonight the Isles -- obviously I don't want to let up now that we seem to be getting back in the swing, but it's really not a big deal either way. Hopefully we'll play better than last time @Nassau but since we ended up winning that I'm not really allowed to complain. :/

At bowling yesterday I wandered over to the TVs to check the league scores, arriving just when it said "Malkin out 2-3 weeks with a sprained shoulder." I fist-pumped, said, "Yeah! Suck it!", then realised there was a dude in a Malkin shirt standing right next to me. Well what the fuck is he doing in W'burg? Unfortunately he did not offer to fight me. :(

Quiz bowl tourney at VCU, yaaaaay. Actually it will be exciting because I'll be captain of our team and it's my first of the year and I might be drunk. In celebration I will post a personally written question here! Your bonus:
It's defunct team time! FTPE name these Stanley Cup winners who are no longer with us:
[10] They won the Stanley Cup in 1927, the first time it was awarded in the NHL. The name was brought back but the teams don't share records.
[10] They won the Cup in 1935 but folded in 1938. They were usually overshadowed by the Canadiens with whom they shared the city.
[10] Okay, they're still around, but under this name they only won one Cup, in 1922 – and the current iteration hasn't won since 1967.

it's a typical tuesday night

2009-10-28T14:43:12Z

Huh. It looks like we're doing this thing where we win by playing well rather than the other team sucking. The Atlanta game had Jeff Schultz as the first star. JEFF SCHULTZ. Let me say that again, slowly, so everyone can understand.

JEFF SCHULTZ. FIRST STAR.

Surely that's some sort of rock bottom?

On the other hand, we hit rock bottom and were still winning games. Bodes well, yeah?

The Islanders game left a wretched taste in my mouth. As I mentioned before, I will be disappointed by Gabby (who has a book coming out on (Oct 31, by the way!) if he didn't start the first intermission speech with "YOU PLAYED LIKE DOG SHIT". I can't say it enough. Dog shit. Dog shit. Dog shit. INSTEAD OF FIELDING A HOCKEY TEAM, WE STUCK A DOG ON THE ICE, AND IT STARTED TO SHIT.

Umm. Then we got our head on straight and started playing legitimate hockey about halfway through the second. The Green-Laich OT winner I'd say was the beginning of our Giving A Shit About Hockey again.

Now, the Flyers game. I'd say it's actually better if we let ourselves get down a few goals, then work to catch up. Dangerous, yes. Terrifying, yes. Bad for the viewers' blood pressure, yes. On the other hand it means we play a full 60 minutes... or at least the 45 we do play ends in the third, rather than taking a lead, getting lazy, and losing it. Really what I advocate is the whole "play a full 60 minutes thing" but, whatever. I'm still not pleased in our frequent breakdowns in defence, but major, major glove tap to Theodore for playing a fantastic 60 mins. He is determined not to let Varly steal the number 1 job. Reminded us why he won Hart and Vezina in the same year. Fantastic.

Okay, time to put on a raincoat because I'm going to do some serious gushing.
Goals scored by OVECHKIN, BACKSTROM, SEMIN, OVECHKIN. Assists by BACKSTROM, SEMIN, GREEN, AUCOIN... and, uh, Jeff Schultz. What the fuck?! WHAT THE FUCK?!

No, wait, I'm excited! OVECHKIN TWO GOALS PUSHING HIM IN FRONT OF KOPITAR AND GABORIK FOR HIGHEST IN LEAGUE. BACKSTROM WITH FOUR POINTS TIED FOR SECOND IN ASSISTS. SEMIN HEALTHY AND OKAY AND FUCKING SNIIIIIIIIIIIIIPING YEEEEEEEEAH BABY LOOKS LIKE THE FOUR-PAGE ESSAY "WHY WE SHOULD TRADE SEMIN TO ATLANTA" WILL STAY BURIED IN MY LINGUISTICS NOTES FOR ANOTHER DAY!

The empty-netter? The Care Bear line streaking down the ice, Flyers defence no match for them and everyone, everyone, everyone knows what's going to happen. We might as well be watching it in slow motion. Semin kicks it up the ice to Backstrom who passes it to Ovechkin who fast as balls flying down the wing and we knew what was going to happen. No, empty net goals are not that impressive. But it summed up the game, and what I hope will be the message of the season: Ovechkin-Backstrom-Semin have nuclear chemistry. You can watch the goal here, hopefully. But the boxscore is a fantastic read. Except, uh, for the Schultz part.

So that's big. Love to see the Caps excelling. I said... well, in my personal hockey notes, that if we didn't come out of NSH, ATL, NYI, PHI, ATL, NYI with at least 8 points I would be scared. From the first four we've got 8 already, with ATL, NYI, and CBJ up next. Can we grab 6 out of that? I really think so. But there's something bigger.

THE MAPLE LEAFS FINALLY WON A GAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Is this the end of the beginning? Are Burkie's Boys going to come out swinging, only by swinging I mean their sticks not their fists? Probably not. Their playoff chances are still slimsky to nonesky. But the Monster played well, Kess hasn't yet returned... maybe it's not time to write off the season yet. Maybe the Boston Brizzles aren't going to get Taylor Hall after all. They play Dallas tonight. Let them have their hope.

Also, Kings @ Sharks! That's a Western Conference orgasm for me. Oh God I don't want to stay up for a 10:30 game but I want to watch it..........

fill up my cup! (DRANK)

2009-10-25T22:40:16Z

My original intention for this post was a simple analysis of the Maple Leafs' current troubles (record: 0-7-1). I've written a page and a half about goaltending alone, and haven't even started on the Phil Kessel part. Also, I don't know anyone who likes the Maple Leafs.

Unrelated, but I have a fantasy team with 6 Leafs on it. SIX. HOW DUMB AM I.

Actually, I'm this dumb: Bill Simmons "Book of Basketball" midnight release is tonight. In DC. My only question is, what do I wear?! Is it okay to call him a DILF? Challenge him to arm wrestling? How should he sign it?!

In preparation for doing such a dumb thing, I bought a set of 94 Al Iafrate cards on ebay. You've never heard of Al Iafrate?! He was the number 4 overall draft pick in 1984! Behind Super Mario, Kirk Muller, and Eddie O!

Speaking of, apparently Mario was in Ashburn today coaching his son's Mites team, the Junior Penguins. I am solidly locked into the LouCou hockey scene, baby! I told my mother I would probably self-consciously ask for his autograph then hate myself because what I actually wanted was to punch him in the face. I once got chewed out by a Penguins fan for DARING to talk bad about Lemieux.

Also in preparation for the Bill Simmons adventure, I have slept copiously. Woke up at 11, went back to sleep at 2.30, woke up at 4 and immediately went back to sleep... and just woke up. Hence my not being at QB. On the other hand I'm not getting back to Da Burg until about 3 tonight, so I've got to prep somehow! ...I think I have a Russian quiz tomorrow. Oops.

Finally, NaNoWriMo starts in one week! Current plans revolve around the Hockey League that Only Exists in My Brain, aka the HHL. Instead of doing one 50K word jontpiece, I'm doing 5 10K'ers. Cheating? Fuck you! Right now it's the story of Rob the Defenceman No One Cares About in DC, Clarke&Tomsco the GM and Coach of LA, Benji Ritter and Nate Ford BFFs in B-lo, and Rich Cowan and F. Obsut Potential First Round Draft Picks. Glove tap to the NHL10 Demo for beering me that last one... and causing me to stay up excessively late last night. God bless a game that lets me get three fighting majors in one period and STILL get drafted 16th overall by the New York Islanders. ~~Anti-props for thinking the Capitals would be drafting first overall, with number 2 going to the Maple Leafs. FUCK YOU EA.~~

First floor hockey game tonight!

Edit: I almost forgot my impression of the Islanders game: I'm glad we won, but if Boudreau's postgame closed-door dressing room speech to the Caps didn't start with "You played like dog shit for the first 30 minutes" then I will be severly disappointed. DOG. SHIT. Where the fuck was our power play? Where was that dude, I forgot his name, it sounds like sheep or something? Don't give up just because Jeff Schultz was the first star of the Atlanta game!

One good thing though - well sort of good - when Ovechkin plays poorly, he gets angry. Really fuckin' angry. And this time it displayed itself as truculence at the end of the first period I believe, because he knew he was dog shit. Of course, sometimes it manifests as taking shit penalties. At least he really fucking cares.

galaxysong9 @ 2009-10-13T17:37:00

2009-10-13T22:11:29Z

Left over from abandoned draft:
Can I call Gretzky the Goethe of hockey, as in the most ridiculous genius ever to have lived? I think I'm gonna do it. TGO - The Goethe One.

Uh, okay. Sure. Anyway. Fall Break.

Scranton is not a vacation destination. However my mother PR'd at Steamtown (as seen on The Office!). There were not jell-o shots at mile 22, at least none that the runners noticed. On the other hand there were apparently millions of tables at each water stop so maybe they just didn't see them. I hold on hope! Also in Scranton I learned how to skate backwards. So there's that.

Hockey extravaganza day! It was Mike Green's birthday, who knew? Anyway, watched practice. KK got some tres adorable shots of die Hauptstädte, including a set of Semin tackling Greener and lying on top of him for at least a minute and a half, then being joined by Laicher who apparently wanted in on the action and started tickling Green or something. Also millions and millions of pictures of Ovie with his tongue sticking out.

The day itself was reasonably uneventful. Went to the Greene Turtle like Joe B. and Locker always tell me to. Wandered around DC. Etc.

The game. Ouch. First off, the upper bowl seats were so high up I thought I was going to get dizzy... though that was nothing compared to the lower bowl. I scoped out some unoccupied seats in the lower bowl and we snagged them during the second period, which had me so on edge I was a nervous wreck. You know how if you stand up really fast you get a head rush and black out slightly? That's how I felt every time I stood up, only it never went away. The fact that we were playing the Cardiac Caps game didn't help. Third period we got confronted by a guy in an Al Iafrate jersey who said we were in his seats. Okay, where the fuck was he for the first two periods? We moved back a row and got asked by the lady next to us if we had tickets for the seats we were in. I hemmed and hawed and tried to look adorably mischievous. Apparently it worked because she informed them she in fact had the tickets and they had been free, so no harm no foul. Still. I am not my father. :(

After the game we stood outside the parking garage and waved at Boudreau, Theodore, Backstrom, Green, Fehr, Clark, Laich, Gordon and probably a bunch of dudes I didn't recognize because they had massively tinted windows and we were too busy shouting at Devils fans. We also booed the Devils bus and some drunk people flipped it off. I told some guy in Brodeur jersey to have another donut, fatso, although that might have been interpreted as a personal insult because he was not svelte himself. I ended up bum-rushing Matt Bradley's car and getting his autograph. I tried the same with Ovechkin but he only signed the two drunk people's jerseys before peeling off. I did tell him малоцы or uh however you spell that. His car is sick though.

Some of the non-hockey people in nice cars parked under Verizon chatted with us at red lights. My personal favourite conversation was with a 30ish guy: "Hey, I'm from Ottawa. Go Sens!" "Why? You're too old! You should've been raised a Leafs fan!" "UGH BOO!" and then he drove off. STILL. To quote Leafs Rumination, if the Senators have only been around since 1992, how are there adult Senators fans, since they should've grown up for the Leafs or Habs?

I, uh, don't want to talk about the game. Theodore made some highlight reel saves near the end, and our shitty defence let him down. 90 seconds in our zone. 90 fucking seconds not being able to clear. Gordon took a terrible penalty near the end... then Morrison takes a penalty in OVERTIME?! GUYS. FUCKING CHILL. At least Semin stayed out of the box. Brodeur also had some great saves, unfortunately, and reminded us why he won 4 Vezinas. And scene. I still feel like I'm going to throw up.

We're only 6 games into the season. Only 6 games into the season. We're not as bad as the Leafs...

no one on the corner have swagger like us

2009-10-06T03:54:50Z

I has a fantasy ~~teemu~~ team. It is was called 'Can't Get Phaneuf'. HOWEVER, I drafted last overall, which means I got two picks in a row... which I used to select Nicklas Backstrom and Niklas Backstrom. Therefore, the name of this team is Baby Got Backstrom, which is one of my go-to hockey puns. It's like the Ovie-Backie-Semin line when we need a goal.

Anyway, I have a few ground rules re: fantasy teams. Okay, so I have one: NO HABS. THIS IS A CANADIEN-FREE ZONE. I'm not gonna lie, there are a few Pens that I find tolerable. The Sultan of Brunei, for one. Ruslan Fedotenko. Tyler Kennedy... Kennedy, because they announce his name amusingly when he scores a goal. Of course, none of them are good enough to get drafted by a fantasy team, so the point, she is moot. On the other hand you have a chance to draft Carey Price about mid way through... but he's a dirty Hab. The price is simply too great. (Oh yeah baby, it's hockey season! I'm punstoppable!)

Of course, I'm not very good at the fantasy sports team thing, so sometimes I panic and do thing like draft Shane Doan, uh, way before I should. On the other hand, I'm better off than Dan, who had to let the computer make two picks (Travis Zajac and Nikolai Khabibulin), and then, when he had the choice of such players as Victor "Dynamite Heddy" Hedman, he picks Jiri Hudler. Who currently plays for the KHL. I mean, he could've picked Mats Sundin!

Oh yeah, they aren't listed in the order I drafted them.

Nicklas Backstrom (C): Uh, my favourite player. He's a premier playmaker who racks up assists like a beast and does his fair share of scoring, too. We're kind of lobbying to call him the Swedish machine, since he plays like a fucking Volvo - efficient, reliable, wise investment. And he's cute as a button!

Anze Kopitar (C): Slovenian. Looks kind of like a zombie. On the Kings, meaning he has a very pretty uniform and not a lot of talent to compete with. Pretty decent scorer, I expect 60+ points as long as no one shoots him in the head with a shotgun.

Kris Versteeg (LW): Blackhawk. He was up for Calder last year, so I figured he had to have some chops, plus the Hawks are soooo young, he fits perfect. 53 points last year, hopefully some more... I can see him on the second line PP, and maybe getting a little more ice time.

Phil Kessel (RW): MAH BOIIIII. Happy 22nd last Friday bb! Looking great in the blue and white rather than the black and yellow. Anyway this could be dumb because he hasn't got a great playmaker in Savvy and he's out til Nov at least, but I like the guy. Expecting less points from him last year, but he's certainly better than the rest of TO.

Shane Doan (RW): I panicked with my fourth pick and got Doaner. So maybe his team won't be here this time next year, Captain Doan puts up 70~ points and not too many PIM, which don't count in this league angry face. I will defend this choice while still admitting it was a panic move.

J.P. Dumont (RW): Okay so I drafted a lot of old dudes. WHATEVER I BELIEVE IN EXPERIENCE. You can't argue with 65 points! Plus everyone forgets the Preds exist so sometimes you can get a steal. Not, uh, that JP's a steal. Still.

Mike Knuble (RW): Hey baby, how do you like DC so far? Pretty nice, right? We got this man to chill around the net and stuff goals in, which means he's going to get a lot of garbage goals, or deflect rebounds and someone else will stuff for assists. Also, you know where he gets the puck to stuff from? Baby got Backstrom on his line.

Dan Boyle (D): Dan told me this was a good pick. Dan also drafted Jiri Hudler. Shit. I, uh, don't know anything about him, but a quick look at his stats tells me he keeps his PIM down, gets some PP time, and is improving his plus-minus. Hmmm...

Rob Blake (D): Just named captain of the Sharks... which, uh, tends to mean he has what are called "intangibles" aka things that don't show up on the scoresheet aka why is he on my fantasy hockey team. Maybe in Fantasyland he can give really sweet dressing room pep talks to the rest of BGB.

Mattias Ohlund (D): Alright so he didn't have the most fantastic of stats, but you know why I drafted this fucker? Because Tampa signed Victor Hedman, a sweet Swede, and then picked up Ohlund from Vancouver so he'd have a Swedish friend/mentor. Basically they want him to do to Hedman what Fedorov did to Semin. So I'm predicting a better season for him. 30 pts, eh? He can do it. Although at the time Victor Hedman himself might have still been available, in which case what a bone-headed pick...

Cam Barker (D): I, uh, needed some more d-men. He's another young Hawk, so that always bodes well. They's goin' places! And, uh, apparently 40 pts in 68 games. Ya like to see it.

Scott Hartnell (LW): Yes, yes, boo and hiss for the Philthy Flyer. I like his hair, okay? And his 60 pts.

Nikita Filatov (LW): Haha, while I was writing this entry my boy Nikky scored a goal! HAHA I TOLD YOU HE'D HAVE A BREAKOUT YEAR. LOOK AT ME WITH MY KNOWING THINGS ABOUT HOCKEY. Anyway, this will be his rookie year and since he's made the team out of training camp I'm predicting good things. Puck Daddy seems to have a hard-on for him, for sure.

Mikhail Grabovski: Another Leafy! I like this guy. He's German, he's good for a Maple Leaf, and this year he might hit 50 points. I'm more optimistic than DGB, okay? Plus I think he's a cutey pie.

Tom Gilbert (D): No, I'd never heard of him either. But he did make US Olympic training camp, so clearly Brian Burke expects good things. He plays for Edmonton!

Niklas Backstrom (G): The other key component of Baby Got Backstrom, this Finn is in to win! I expect great things from him, except the Wild kind of suck, so he's always slightly disappointing. Like, you wanna see him in the postseason, but you won't. Still, consistent .920~ SV% is nothing to sneeze at... especially when you see my other goalies.

Pekka Rinne (G): Barely lost the coveted "Most Extraneous Letters" award to Tuukka Rask. He took over for Dan Ellis in the yearly tradition of Predators goalies only able to play NHL-caliber hockey for one year at a time before sucking immeasurably. Break the curse, kid! Anyway, his save percentage was higher than...

Jose Theodore (G): Oh, Jose. You won Vezina and Hart in the same year, do you remember that? And now you're fighting for starts with some little Russian kid. Don't worry, I believe in you... and judging from the first 2 games, you believe in you, too. I'm so glad you're not a dirty Hab anymore.

So those are my boys! Expect wacky adventures! Oh, and for the record, my fantasy baseball team (the Adams Family) came in second, losing to Brooklyn Killas. On the other hand we had 6 dudes on the DL by the end, so I'm pretty happy with that result.

Edit: Just checked Dan's roster, and Jiri Hudler isn't the only KHL player he's got. He also, inexplicably, picked Nikolai Zherdev, currently playing for Atlant Moscow. Who dey, who dey, who dey gon beat dem fantasy team?

i won't touch your defences

2009-10-02T14:01:44Z

It's actually a pretty bad picture of him... except a bad picture of Kess in a Maple Leafs sweater is better than any glamour shot of him as a fuckin Bruin!

And a Caps victory... Season's off to a fantastic start! I LAICH IT!

and the rocket's red glare

2009-09-26T18:07:10Z

That's actually the go-to pun hockey writers use when discussing Maurice "Rocket" Richard. I haven't been seized by a sudden fit of patriotism (although I am one of the few who always sings along with the national anthem).

Ads game: pretty cool, although I was far more enthusiastic than almost everyone else, including those wearing Lightning or Admirals jerseys. Hey, hockey excites me, okay? So I was cheering and yelling and... kind of alone in that respect in my section at least.

They actually split up the squads so St. Louis and Stamkos were on the "Lightning" team while Lecavalier and Hedman were on the "Admirals" team, which means I have some pics of Vinny in an AHL jersey, heehee. He and Marty both started off the first period, and as Vinny skated by he gave Marty a giant shove, it was hilarious. :) Also hilarious is how many times I typed Marth rather than Marty.

Dustin Tokarski started in goal for the "Lightning" and his helmet says "Tic" on it, which is presumably his nickname. It also had pictures of The Tick on it, which was fucking awesome and meant that Dan and I yelled "SPOOOOOOOOOOON!" every time he made a great save. Uh... that also got us some weird looks. In the third period Jaroslav Janus played for the "Lightning". We started calling him Two-Face (Janus) then realised he had one of those half-and-half masks (like Varly's Caps/Bears mask) and it was half blue and half orange... so we got really excited that it was both a high-brow reference to Roman mythology and a low-brow reference to Batman. Probably entirely overestimated him. Anyway, he's major league hot.

Got Martin St. Louis and Ryan Malone's autographs. Marty is 5'9" and I am 5'7" and I was wearing heels... so guess who was taller? I also realized after the fact that the picture of himself in THN yearbook was captioned "St. Louis might be undersized" and was him being much, much shorter than Malone and Lecavalier. Earlier that day I had gotten a Ryan Malone card in a pack of Victory so I got him to sign that. :D

Saw someone wearing a jersey from every team except Atlanta, Columbus, Edmonton, Florida, LA, Nashville, NYI, and Ottawa. Nobody was sure what to wear, apparently. I was rocking a Pronger-Ducks shirt that was covered in glitter -- awesome!

-He had a French-language column, and after the infamous suspension, he railed against Campbell... who was a Rhodes scholar and spoke French. He got fired from the column.

-The infamous Richard Riot... people were screaming for Campbell's blood and even shouting "Kill Campbell!" I would not be surprised if something like this happened to Gary Bettman.

-Insults at Campbell: dictator, sick, coward, little pig, big pig, large bowl of soup, and German. Fucking German.

-"But Richard is not the Pope."
"No," said Frank Selke, "he is God." Hee!

-Quote from Richard that made my eyes get all watery: "The NHL give only one trophy. They give it to the man who scores the mos' points. Every year they should also give a trophy to the man who score the mos' goals."
(To my hockey neophyte friends: the trophy awarded to the player who scores the most goals is the Rocket Richard Trophy.)

-Is it the Richard Riot that gave the Canadiens the reputation of breaking windows, setting things on fire, tipping over police cars, etc? Or do they also do all that when the win and not just when they're angry?

-"...and, for no discernable reason, cab drivers were yanked from their vehicles and assaulted." I'm sure there was a reason, like the cab drivers didn't have 20 cents to give as change.

To continue on the Twitter #iamsinglebecause theme, I read hockey history in my spare time.

i don't care if i lose my mind

2009-09-22T01:55:47Z

Something nice about writing papers in German: when you want desperately to take a break from research, you can go through and proofread, grammar-check, and just generally edit (such as add in umlauts you didn't bother to insert the first time... no, I have not memorized the alt+#### code for German letters, even entering my 7th year of study). Right now I'm seriously procrastinating on "Deutsche Literatur und Sprach Nach die Reformation" because I can't think of how to segue into von Grimmelshausen und Der abenteuerliche Simplicissimus Teutsch, which I really want to discuss because mentioning his name and relevant work gives me another freakin paragraph.

Another bonus of foreign-language papers: running it through Google translator and having it come out just-this-side-of-comical English. You know you've done it right if online translators can't handle it!

Embarrassing fact: it has been, as I mentioned, 7 years since beginning my study of German. I still don't know all the posessive pronouns. Mein, dein, sein-ihr-sein, unser, euer... ?? And I only got 'sein' because I looked it up earlier when trying to write "his translation" then realized I was writing "their translation." Oh my God I want to sleep.

The Caps took it from B-lo today, and my online feed (sponsored by NHLOnline and not some shady foreign forum) cut off right as an opposing player launched a shot straight into our empty net. I suppose it was lucky I was spared the sight of an empty net goal-against but it was like, Verizon Center is done providing me with a feed if this sort of bullshit is going to happen. On the other hand having it filmed the way it was meant I got all the Verizon Center Jumbotron action, such as the MAKE SOME NOISE!!! signs and the Kiss Cam. Unfortunately I did not see UNLEASH THE FURY but hopefully that's cos we're saving it for prime time. And by prime time, I mean the home opener for which I just bought Amtrak tickets to DC and already have game tix.

All right man, finish this paper, study for Astronomy test on Wednesday, and you're home free. Ads game, party weekend, then begins the countdown to the regular season. God I make a boring life exciting.

travel like a burning flame

2009-09-19T23:24:38Z

Greatest text message it is possible to receive:
From: Mom
Do u want to go to a caps game in san jose on dec. 30 vs. sharks. christmas in CA.

HOLY SHIT. HOOOOOOLY SHIT.

I have been dying to see the Caps play the Sharks. The Sharks are my Western Conference team and I'm trying to find ways to see them -- right now it's see them face the Canes on Nov. 1 (which I still want to do, because that combines the excellence of hockey with the excellence of a road trip). Plus, being in SJ means I get to be a fan in a rival building, which is AWESOME. Would be better if it were a team we were actual rivals with, but surely there's got to be some anti-Caps sentiment. Every other team in the league is slightly bitter they don't have Ovechkin. Plus, I get to pick up an SJ shot glass. PLUS, the Sharks have Joe Thornton, who I absolutely fucking love. Oh my GOD I love Joe Thornton. It's ridiculous. Untoward. And finally...

The Sharks just got Dany Heatley. DANY HEATLEY. DANY HEATLEY. My least favourite player in the entire league... okay, not least, there's a couple of dudes I hate a little more, but I hate Dany Heatley personally. So I have a golden opportunity to make a sign taunting Dany Heatley, and wave it in his face at the Shark Tank. HOLY SHIT I get to go to the Shark Tank! GOD I AM EXCITED WHY IS HOCKEY SEASON NOT STARTED YET.

I really hate Dany Heatley, by the way. (Have you heard?) I can't even imagine why someone would like him or feel sympathetic towards him or not be disgusted with him. The only reason I can tolerate him being on the Sharks is because I begrudgingly admit he's a legitimately good player (at least when he doesn't hate his coach or has recently killed someone) and this could give the Sharks a chance to, you know, not choke in the first round of the postseason. Assuming he doesn't become a locker room cancer, of course. Anyway, so far I plan to boo him every time he touches the puck and, as mentioned, make a sign. Any ideas?

And in non-I-hate-Dany-Heatley news, I fell in love while drunk again. This time with a Swedish (!!) freshman, who asked me about the hockey jersey I was wearing as a shirt-dress. I dared him to tell me his favourite Swedish club cos he thought I wouldn't recognize any; he said Modo Hockey; I replied, "Doesn't Peter Forsberg play for them now?" Blew his fucking mind. I've got to be the only girl on this goddamn campus who can hold a conversation about Modo Hockey. He started talking about how awesome Foppa is, then asked if I knew the brothers Sedin ("Of course, Henrik and Daniel are on the Canucks.") because they are also Modo Hockey alumni. I spent the rest of the night trying to find him again. :(

If all my plans work out, I will see both of my secondary teams this season before the Olympic break.

light the lamp, throw a hit

2009-09-17T23:10:30Z

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ALEXANDER OVECHKIN!

The best player in the goddamn world, a fucking beast, and soon-to-be Stanley Cup Champion. Coolest dude in the NHL.

Oh, and he's pretty fucking hot, too.

While looking through Caps In Pictures for good Ovie pics, I kept seeing shots of Fedorov. This is the first time I've cried since June 12.

what's a boy in love supposed to do

2009-09-10T03:49:03Z

So I mentioned to my dad that I needed some running shoes, and my mother was so ecstatic that I was told they'd immediately beer me some doughsky to buy them. I wonder if that attitude will continue when they realise I've recently spent almost $100 on hockey-related things?

Anyway, my German Civ prof polled the class and asked who had German music on their iPod. I raised my hand because if you ask if I have music in [insert language] on my iPod I'll agree just because I've got so much shit on there. Then I realised, all I have is things like Der Kommissar and 99 Luftballoons and of course all of Die Fledermaus, none of which is being played in the discotheka in Berlin. So I decided to investigate and find out exactly what Germans are listening to. (The answer, of course, is American pop music, but surely they had to manufacture some tunes of their own.)

Billboard was somewhat useful, and I checked out Eurovision, but all of it seemed sterile, and really, who cares about Eurovision? All the songs are kind of gay. Then help arrived from the unlikeliest yet most ubiquitous source: hockey.

Die Kölner Haie Webseite (Wir sind Eishockey!) is riddled with pop-up ads, one of which is for Tabasco sauce. But more relevantly, they also offer ringtone downloads!!!

With my research thus aided, here is what I discovered about German popular music:

Das Geht Ab - Frauenarzt & Manny Marc. a)The video is hilarious. b)The lyrics are way dirtier than you'd expect. c)There exists another version that instead of saying "wir feiern die ganze Nacht" they sing "wir holen die Meisterschaft" (we're partying the whole night vs. we're chasing the championship). Can someone say sports anthem? I sure can! (Oh yes, and this song sucks. But that's never stopped anything from being obscenely catchy.)

Ein Stern (die deinen Namen trägt) - D.J. Ötzi & Nik P.. The lyrics are so, so gay (in the cheesy romantic sense) but I dig the tune and, I confess, sometimes I like the cheesy, okay? In music. Not in life. If you did the 'Name a Star after Me' bullshit I would immediately disown you. I prefer the live version, but there's also a slow version that sounds like Whole New World from Aladdin.

Jungle Drum - Emilíana Torrini. This sounds like it would be played on the soundtrack at Hollister. Regardless, it's... actually not that great. And the singer really rubs me in the wrong way, I can't stand her face. And the video's stupid. Dammit Germany, I thought you guys had a really hip music scene! Pressing on...

Stadt - Cassandra Steen feat. Adel Tawil. Couldn't find an official video. But this is not bad for being eco-mentalist propaganda. And it's in German, making it better.

Ein Kompliment - Sportfreunde Stiller. Unattractive German boys who can't sing very well. Sounds good to me! On the other hand, it sounds like something I'd listen to rather than dance too, unlike, say, Das Geht Ab, which is the only real club beat on this list (so far!).

Schöne Neue Welt - Culcha Candela. More unattractive German ~~boys~~ dudes who can't sing. On the other hand, this tune is way, way catchy and I'm digging the hell out of it. Unfortunately this is also eco-mentalist propaganda. Dammit Germany, go hang out with Matt Bradley.

Remmidemmi - Deichkind. I don't like this song, but the guitarist is Pyramid Head, so that's cool. Plus I love the word Remmidemmi. The song Luftbahn is slightly better, but still kind of repetitive.

Miss Kiss Kiss Bang - Alex Swings Oscar Sings. Okay, so I felt obliged to put this up here. Germany's Eurovision entry.

Fairytale - Alexander Rybak. This song won Eurovision, by the way. Norway. Don't worry that absolutely nothing in it makes any sense; this kid is adorable. I also enjoy it greatly, but what's with all these songs being in English? I thought the point or Eurovision was to show off your culture. /pouty face (This dude is also kind of what I imagine Koshka looking like... not that anyone knows who Koshka is.)

Cascada - Evacuate the Dancefloor. Okay, she's not German, but I love Cascada and apparently this song is popular right now. Fuck you.

you were watching the whites of your eyes turn red

2009-09-06T00:12:55Z

The Internet should shut down at 2 o'clock in the morning. Or something should happen that does not allow me to online shop in the middle of the night goddammit. On the other hand this shirt will look very cute with the skirt I bought today.

HOWEVER, even cuter is the THN Yearbook WHOOOO. I better get that stupid subscription for my birthday - we had to steal a card out of an issue in Pittsburgh. I demand this creamy goodness be delivered straight to my CSU.

They are, incidentally, prophesying Philly as taking it all. Er. Okay. I mean, they've got Pronger. But they've also got Ray Emery. And another Penn win would hurt bad. I don't hate the Flyers. But they have not exactly endeared themselves to me, and if they do make a legit run that involves stepping on our heads, well - I have mentioned I hate the Atlantic division, right? It's a true fact. I fucking hate the fucking Atlantic division.

They've still got the Caps at 2nd in the conference, 1st in our division (SouthLeast FTW) which I can get behind but basically implies we're going to do another choke job.

I am really, really, severely into hockey history. Like, current hockey events interest me, and hockey in the 30s-50s interests me. But like, Gretzky? Snoozeville. Lemieux? Yawn. There's just something exciting about reading the hijinks of Conn Smythe, or King Clancy, or Gordie Howe, or Rocket Richard. It might be wanting to know how the past shapes the future, and wondering if one day we'll talk about Ovechkin with the same reverence we do Howe. You know, Gretzky scored 894 goals in his 20 year career. Ovie has scored 219 in his first 4 seasons. Uh. Not that I'm implying anything...

(Don't worry. Gretz had 1963 assists, and Ovie's got 201 in 4 seasons. So Gretz had .60 goals per game, and Ovie's got .675 BUT Gretz had 1.32 assists per game and Ovie's only got .62. The goal record might be broken, but the point record never will be. By anyone. I'm looking at you, Kid.)

(Also, I'm reading Moneyball, meaning I am now enjoying statistics so much more than I have any right to. Oh, god, more, sabermetrics!)

So it occurs to me that I keep ending these posts with "Argh why is it not hockey season yet" and the beginning of hockey season directly coincides with my birthday. Conclusion: I am far, FAR more excited about hockey season than I am about my birthday. Although come this birthday I will be able to drink in Canada... someone get me some Labatt Blue.

HOLY SHIT WILLIAM & MARY JUST BEAT UVA. WHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Extraordinary and oh-so-cool

2009-09-01T04:32:39Z

Elapsed time it took to get from 'German speaking experience' to 'hockey ramble' in my German essay: One and a half paragraphs. As soon as I wrote "I can understand German well enough to watch a hockey game" it was all over. Boom goes the dynamite. "The Haie suck and lost against every KHL team they played but they're doing well in the DEL, they beat the Roosters and the Ice Tigers, so hopefully even though they came in second-to-last last season they'll improve this year, we just have to wait and see what happens against some of the good teams like the Eisbären!!"

Basically I wrote a German essay that goes like this:

"I like German. I have studied it a long time. I like languages. I want to major in German and minor in Linguistics. I'm taking Russian.

I am scared of speaking and writing German, but I understand it well enough to watch sports. Like hockey. [Lucid and fluent comments on die Kölner Haie and DEL.]

I want to learn German better in this class."

Ways to improve my German: have me write about something I give a shit about. Like hockey.

Why hasn't the season started yet?!

Edit: From an interview with Evgeni Malkin:

Dmitry Chesnokov: What will you give Crosby as a [birthday] present?

Malkin: What do you mean "what"? Me, of course!

WHAT.

Now I see you've broken a feather

2009-08-26T21:25:06Z

Both Ted Kennedy and Ted Kennedy are dead.

Good-bye and good riddance.

Well, I'm back at school and I've already been rip-roaring drunk once. How drunk? I made an XBOXLive friend named CROSBY4207. I've had three classes:

Astronomy is going to be a mildly interesting lecture class that I will not take notes for until after the first test, and only if I fail that test.

Russian is going to be a shitload of work and I'm going to enjoy every second of it that I'm not completely terrified.

Study of Language is going to be fucking sweet, which is unfortunate because I'm not technically enrolled in it yet. Prof said she would get back to me by the Friday. Please God get me into the MW class (because we don't need any Thursday evening classes... unless the Caps decide to be douchebags and kill student ticket night).

I learned yesterday that German Civ is actually taught in German. The classroom language is German. I am fucked fucked fucked fucked fucked. And excited.

Inglourious Basterds was the greatest ever. Fucking awesome. A-fucking-mazing. So goddamn good.

Got my TV+Wii set up. Uh... can't sell back my textbooks from last semester as they are currently elevating my TV high enough off my desk. A'ight, I'm out, it's time to play some Smash. Although my user icon just made me want to play ToS.

Edit: WHY IS IT NOT HOCKEY SEASON YET.

Double Edit: SERGEI FEDOROV NEEDS TO NOT BE IN ANY MORE MUSIC VIDEOS EVER. AND IF HE COULD RETROACTIVELY ERASE HIMSELF FROM THOSE IN THE PAST, HE SHOULD DO THAT TOO.

Trip Edit: This is like the third day in a row that someone in the German house has decided to make something that smells groin-grabbingly delicious. It's like the fuckin Italian house here, holy shit I can smell garlic so so strong... WILLPOWER G I BASICALLY GOT IT DOWN TO ONE MEAL A DAY BE STRONG.

he's a hat-trick scorin' demon

2009-08-21T20:14:22Z

From an interview with Ovechkin:

Blondes or brunettes?

Redheads.

THIS IS WHY HE'S THE BEST.

i'm all right, don't nobody worry 'bout me

2009-08-18T20:30:14Z

So I did that thing where I lose control of myself, think "I'm what they call a 'mark'", and bought a box of 09-10 Upper Deck hockey cards. Not the full set, just a box of 11 packs and an oversized card (I now have a Jumbo Netminder!). I was kind of frustrated because I was getting a bunch of dudes that I already had an 08-09 Fleer of (I have at least 3 of a certain Flames defenceman, which is quite Phaneuf), and then I got the ultimate pack.

A pack in which every card was a reference to an inside joke I have about hockey.

Forget about rarity or how much I like a player or anything. Humour trumps all.

POST INTERRUPTED BY BREAKING NEWS: SEMYON VARLAMOV IS SINGLE AGAIN. Hopefully I'll learn how to write "Marry Me Varly" in Russian 101.

Anyway, without further ado, the cards in this one magical pack:

I open it up to find Nicklas Backstrom, who isn't an inside joke so much as number 3 on my 5 Reasons I Love Hockey list. I gotta say, no disrespect to Ovie but Nicklas Backstrom is my favourite player. Full stop. I know I waver all the time but. Backie. That's just the way it is.

Let me recount a conversation for you: "Are there any Asian hockey players?"
"Uh, there's Paul Kariya."
"The Asian hockey player is named Korea?"
Yes. Yes he is. Although we should probably stop calling him The Asian Hockey Player. Think of how Richard Park and Devin Setoguchi must feel. Plus, when I asked Dan+Jon to name hockey players so I could search for them by tag on 2m4s before I was really into hockey, the first pairing they came up with was Paul Kariya/Teemu Selanne (I have 3 Teemu cards, by the way). So, uh, there ya go.

Chris Durno. DUR-NO DUR-NO DUR-NO! Seriously, I can't believe I got a Chris Durno rookie card. I am lit more excited about this one than Backstrom.

Ding dong, it's Carey Price! Even now every time I a) hear a doorbell or b) see a shot go off a goalpost, I shout "Ding dong, Carey Price!" or somehow make a reference to him. Thank you SimontotheB.

"Only player got on panties and a brassiere underneath!" It's Ryan Miller! Every time a player mentioned on Knob Hockey comes up in real life, I imitate either their voice or how their voice was said in the video. Hence RY-AN MILLAH. (Don't make me get Daniel Briere on your ass!)

And finally, the Rose Bud to Chicago's Citizen Kane, Jonathan Toews, affectionately known as Tazer to everyone who isn't totally sure how to spell or prononuce his actual last name. For everyone I've ever knocked over with Toews in 3-on-3 arcade and then shouted "Don't Toews me bro!", I'm not sorry in the least. That's comic gold.

Oh, and by the way Upper Deck? Way to go putting pronunciations on the cards (because I've never been able to figure out how to say 'Osgood') and not putting what fucking position these guys play. Sorry for not knowing off the top of my head whether Paul Kariya is a right wing, left wing, or centre!* I AM A BAD HOCKEY FAN.

*He's a left wing.

i know in the past they've called me nasty

2009-08-14T01:55:52Z

Things I Can't Believe:

-I can't believe that you can dent a car door by scraping it against the garage.

-I can't believe that I own 5 shirts, 2 pairs of pants, 1 fleece, and 1 skirt from Hollister.

-I can't believe I've spent all day reading Bill Simmons' columns.

-I can't belive I'm watching two sporting events at once, neither of which I find more than marginally compelling.

-I can't believe I can't drive to Leesburg to check out fucking hockey sticks.

-I can't believe the Jonas Brothers did a cover of 'Poor Unfortunate Souls' from The Little Mermaid.

-I can't believe that, in this cover, the line referring to Flotsam and Jetsam replaces those names with Nick and Kevin.

-I can't believe an hour and a half of stick-and-puck work is not considered exercise.

-I can't believe I belong two 4 different sports slash communities, 5 if you count gayingupsports.

-I can't believe I find dark black guys really really attractive. But only dark black like KG or Ocho Cinco or that Redskin they just interviewed.

-I can't believe I'm legit interested in getting involved in gambling.

-I can't believe I return to school in 10 days and moreso, that I'm excited.

So yeah I was in Pittsburgh because my cousin Nick was getting married. Bill Simmons, notorious gambler that he is, once posted this "Things to bet on at a wedding" list. My comments in square brackets.

Here are some other things you could gamble on:

1. Quality of the best man's toast vs. quality of the cake (even odds): This one could be especially fun if you wagered heavily on the best man, then he choked in his speech, and you wanted to kill him afterward. And yes, few things in life are more enjoyable than someone screwing up a best man's speech. I can't believe somebody hasn't turned "Worst Best Man Speeches" into its own TV show yet. [Despite Ryan saying 'uh' a lot and running on his sentence, it was decent. Better than the matron of honour's, which was too long and gay.]

2. Girl who catches the bouquet hooks up with the guy who catches the garter (10-1 odds): I've only been to one wedding where this ever happened, so the 10-1 odds seem generous here. [I'm pretty sure they were actually dating.]

3. Groom's horny friend starts grinding on the dance floor with somebody's attractive cousin who isn't 21 yet (even odds): And somebody's mother is always horrified. You can usually see this one coming. As an aside, I was delighted when this exact scenario happened at my wedding. It was a dream come true. [Guess who the attractive cousin who isn't 21 yet was. Just guess.]

4. Band plays "I Will Survive" (+/- 8:45pm): I hate this song. There's always that one girl on the dance floor who just broke up with someone and gets a little too into the lyrics. Calm down, honey. [Played, but no one got obnoxious.]

5. Token slutty bridesmaid goes after a waiter, band member, or any friend of the groom attending the wedding without his girlfriend (wager $400 to win $100): Easy money. When you mix the emotions of "I'm sad because my friend's getting married and I'm still single" with "I'm horny and drunk" and "Everyone looks good because we're all dressed up," just about anything's possible. They probably can't make these odds high enough. [I didn't really notice this to be frank.]

6. Groom cries or faints during the wedding ceremony (3-1 odds): And here's the worst thing: You can't really make fun of them afterward. It was too big of a moment. So you might as well wager on it. [Groom cried!]

7. Puking or fisticuffs during the reception (10-1 odds): Although these odds drop to 3-1 in the general Boston area. [Nah, just a dude getting so drunk he got kicked out.]

8. The Mother-Groom dance is "You Look Wonderful Tonight" (20-1 odds): We needed a long-shot wager on here. Imagine the excitement if you had 20-1 on Clapton and those first few seconds of the song started playing. [I don't actually remember.]

9. Fat guys dancing without their jackets and sweatstains under their arms (+/- 2.5): Another great part about weddings. Huge, sweeping sweatstains are always funny. [Absolutely.]

10. The token "couple who's been dating for three years and either need to get engaged or break up" have a huge blowout during the wedding reception (even odds): Not good times. Uh-oh ... I'm having flashbacks ... [There was the married couple seen dancing with and chatting up other people while we gossiped about it.]

And the ultimate long-shot bet...

11. Wedding called off at last minute (50-1 odds): It's dark, it's evil ... but a $10 bet wins you $500. More than enough to pay for your tux. [Nope, thank God!]

I'm kinda buzzed, it's all because [This is how we do it]

2009-08-09T23:41:06Z

I hereby rescind everything bad I have said about Pittsburgh! It turns out Pittsburgh is awesome as long as you are drunk the entire time you are there! Pittsburgh is also awesome because they don't card you, ever! If only they could tone down the fucking sports fanaticism.*

*The enthusiasm they have for their teams is beautiful and heart-warming and fucking wonderful, which makes it so much worse that they have such fervent support for something so inherently evil. DC loves the Redskins and we don't care even 1/100th as much as Pittsburghers do. I doubt there will be signs on gas stations that say "Lord Stanley where art thou" if when the Caps win the Cup. On the other hand Washingtonians are 100x more intelligent and better looking than the average Pittsburgher, so there's that.

I have memories of being about four or five, and having my older cousins (who are now 22, 24, and 26 I think) teaching me dirty words. I suppose this is just the natural conclusion.

So yeah an Adams-cousin got married. Big congratulations to cousin Nick and Marlene, big props to the Hedbergs for an open bar, big props to my father and uncle for driving around the Burgh til we found Mellon Arena (quote: "It looks kind of like an igloo!" Really?) and taking a picture of me flipping off Sidney Crosby. Bonus: big props to my body/genetic predisposition to alcoholism for coming together and not giving me a hangover. Okay, the fact that I was still technically drunk when I woke up this morning might also have something to do with that, but no ill effects yet.

So I finally found deltv.org, which allows me to watch all the highlights from every game last season for whichever team I want, which in this case is the Kolner Haie (yes, Kolner should have an umlaut over the o, but I haven't got a European keyboard, I think the e looks stupid, and I still haven't memorized the alt key code for it despite having studied German for 7 years now). Wait a second... ö! Ökay, sö I knöw the html för it nöw, that's exciting. Let me start again.

The lovely DELTV site has hooked me up with highlights from the Kölner Haie's season, which I am devouring with the appetite of a hockey fan during the offseason. I am seriously predicting a breakout for Flaake once he comes into his own, I think Lüdemann will make a pretty good captain, and, uh... our goaltending sucks? Okay, so my knowledge of die Haie is limited, but these highlights are pretty interesting, and not just as a desperate attempt to bring the season opener closer.

The DEL is something of a poor substitute, though. These teams can't hold a candle to the NHL. However, the comparison is unfair. I had sort of intellectually known this, but until watching these highlights I didn't really understand what a different beast European hockey is. For one thing, they put up massively high-scoring games, and not just blowouts (although when my Haie play KHL teams...): 5-4, 4-3, etc. And then they put up really low penalty minutes: a game that went 4-3 in overtime clocked 10 PIM... total. 4' for one team, 6' for the other. And much if not most of the physicality is unintentional - NHL teams throw bigger hits in their goal celebrations than these dudes do crowding a crease (which, by the way, are bigger). It's not even like minor-league hockey, it's junior-league... which is understandable considering some of our rooks are 16.

And naturally the other bonus comes from German commentary! So far I don't know how to find a broadcast with straight up play-by-play and colour; unfortunate because I'd like to listen to banter and less formal language (could there be a German equivalent of Joe B. and Locker? I think not), though I'm not sure my comprehension skills are up to it. But just the highlight commentary is super interesting. I'm fascinated by how much I understand, and how much I can puzzle out, and the jargon that's specific to sports/hockey, meaning I can figure it out because of the action. Some of it is pretty sweet, like "faceoff" is "Bully" and "goaltender" is "Torschützer" (literally "goalprotector").

I just realised that this keyboard doesn't have nail polish spilled on it. :/ Well, it's one misplaced elbow away from turning Philthy Orange.

P.S. This Is How We Do It is the bride's favourite song. xD;

lookit how happy he is

2009-08-07T13:47:21Z

Happy birthday Sidney fucking Crosby. You know where I'll be? SHITSBURGH. Life sucks.

...So I'm reading the wikipedia article on the Steelers-Ravens rivalry, and it occurs to me that, uh, these dudes legit hate each other. Is wearing my Ravens jersey going to be one of those decisions I regret later?

Anyway. Sidney Crosby, 22 years old, still living with his owner. Grow the fuck up, man.

galaxysong9 @ 2009-08-04T10:04:00

2009-08-04T14:17:14Z

BREAKING NEWS:

Thank God we have Russia Today to keep us posted on such matters.

just three seconds is enough for my heart to quit it

2009-08-02T16:46:51Z

One week til the KEC Saisonöffnung. I am comically, stupidly, ludicrously excited. Why the fuck should I care about the DEL? Yet for some reason I am drawn to these stupid Sharks. My excuse is that it's a good chance to practice my German, which I don't do industriously during the off-season (uh, summer vacation), and I'm not gonna lie, my vocab has certainly improved by reading old play-by-plays. I now know how to say most of the penalites in German (2 Minuten für Stockschlagens).

Unfortunately they don't have a NetTicker for preseason games, because die Haie have just played Avangard Omsk. The name might sound familiar to you (hahaha) because it's where Jaromir Jagr signed after deciding it was too hard to live in America without his companion and lover Mario Lemieux. Or, uh, something like that. Anyway, it's a game I would have delighted in following via ticker or stream or radio broadcast or something but the DEL is not as kind to its fans as the NHL. And that's a tough act to follow.

Naturally they kicked our asses (shit, I just said our referring to the Haie) 6-1, with our lone goal scored by Jerome Flaake, who is my favourite player for unknown reasons. They've also got a Canadian dude named Bryan Adams, which is hilarious for known reasons. To be honest, the Haie are not good. We were 15th in the league last year in a 16-team league... though we have the third-most championships of all time after the Eisbären Berlin and the Mannheimer Adler (Berlin Polar Bears and Mannheim Eagles). Apparently we play them again Monday.

...I'm trying to navigate the Avangard site to see if I can get a game summary scoresheet, and I got sidetracked looking at the player roster, and eee! Jaromir Jagr is so cute, and these uniforms are seriously attractive. Plus reading his bio is great fun as I start sounding out Cyrillic words. "Arrrt Rrross Tro...fi?" Anyway a quick look-see showed me that a) Karri Ramo plays for Omsk now?! I have an 08-09 hockey card of him playing for the Lightning... and a glance at his stats tells me why they didn't sign him again hahaha and b) all Jagr netted was an assist. Suck it bb.

I actually forgot where I was going with this post, so instead I'm going to steal some poor fuckers' bandwidth and show you pictures of Jagr and his beautiful, beautiful mullet.

The majesty.

C'mon bb gimme a real smile even if we do hate you in DC.

Aww they look like twinsies and they're so happy. Jagr's smile is so cute even if they are wearing those fugly sweaters. This is the picture I was talking about yesterday Ellie.

And as a wrap-up: just ordered home opener tickets! SO EXCITED. Basically for my birthday I'm getting a jersey and the tix. That's solid... and it don't get no better than solid.